Free Revolution by Russell Brand Page B

Their Jesus has pulled off one miracle further to those documented by becoming some sort of gun-toting, homophobic, Rasputined-up Donald Trump.
    Bible Jesus, who, let’s face it, has probably been through several prejudicial edits to reach the King James whitewashed version, is still a considerable theological distance from the vicious prick that them lot are so into.
    For a kick-off, he doesn’t give a toss about sex or pushing misogyny or homophobia. He in fact seems much more interested in the corruptive power of money: “Give to the poor and receive treasure in heaven.”
    Jesus is pretty committed to sharing. Also, as we know, it’s the moneylenders that Jesus kicks out of the temple: “This is my Father’s house and you have turned it into a den of thieves.” It’s theonly time Jesus got really wound up. Even when he was being unjustly nailed to a cross, he stayed mellow; when the crowd, given the chance to pardon one of the convicts up for crucifixion, chose Barabbas, a known crook, Jesus took it on the chin. The only time he ever let himself go and knocked over tables was when the financial industry were prioritized over normal people.
    It wasn’t gays he kicked out of the temple: “This is my Father’s house and you have turned it into a gay bar.” The gays were fine; Jesus had no policy on sex.
    I met some members of the Westboro Baptist Church once, and they were alright. It was like they knew they were being silly. I had them on a chat show I was doing in America. I felt like I could’ve gone, “Come on, lads, you don’t really believe that God hates fags, do you?” and they’d’ve gone, “Of course not, don’t be daft, we’re just having a bit of fun.”
    The promotion of homophobia to priority status on the Lord’s behalf takes some doing. The scriptural evidence that he gave a toss is scant. It seems to me that a lot of people are using religious arguments to advance their own prejudices. I don’t think these preachers of hate and mad mullahs and whatnot were one day reading their doctrine of choice in a sanguine mood, aglow with joy and tolerance, when they happened upon a verse of bigoted scripture. “Bloody hell! I was inclined to quite like the gays—my cousin is one—but look! Here in Leviticus it quite clearly states, ‘Don’t lie down with another man.’ Well, that’s that.”
    Clearly prejudice is a permutation of some psychological fear, later mandated by convenient evidence from the book. If God appeared tomorrow and said he’d changed his mind, would homophobia disappear? You’d think if God was that bothered about homosexuality, he’d’ve mentioned it in his top-ten do’s and don’ts, The Ten Commandments—it’s not in there.
    From a biblical perspective, homosexuality is not considered as transgressive as the tenth commandment, “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s oxen.”
    If he’d considered it that important, he could’ve added a commandment—I mean, he is God, he doesn’t have to stick to decimalneatness. He could just go, “Oh yeah, number eleven is ‘Don’t be gay.’ ” Or let the whole oxen thing fall by the wayside.
    From a balanced reading of the Ten Commandments, we can only assume that God would prefer you to have gay sex than to covet your neighbor’s oxen. If you’d had a terrible day at work and had to do some sinning, just to unwind, the Commandments are clear about which sin is considered more unholy.
    “God, I’ve had a terrible day at work; I’ve got to let off some steam. Either I’m going to have sex with Terry or I’m going to covet my neighbor’s oxen.”
    “What?! No, you mustn’t do that; you better go hang out with Terry.”
    “Thank you, Lord. I’m going to slide my erect penis right up Terry’s anus.”
    “Fair enough, my son; I don’t really have a policy on that. I will ask, though, that you don’t look over next door’s fence at them grazing oxen, then imagine in your mind, ‘What would it be like if