Free Idol of Blood by Jane Kindred

yourself the villain of everything.”
    Ahr toyed with his cup. “How can I do anything else? It’s what I am.”
    â€œAhr.” Merit gripped Ahr’s hand over the cup, forcing Ahr to look at him. “Have you never understood what I did to you?”
    â€œYou?” Ahr tried to pull away, but Merit held fast. “You did nothing to me—”
    He fixed his eyes on Ahr’s. “I stumbled.”
    â€œYou stumbled. It was a mistake. That doesn’t make you responsible for what Ra did, for what I allowed.”
    â€œI stumbled , Ahr. I was one of the favored few, the Meer’s litter bearers, so appointed for my strength and dexterity, a man in my prime—standing head and shoulders among my peers. You, who think me so infallible, so adroit—do you think I could ever have stumbled with my liege upon my shoulders?”
    Ahr stared at him, slowly shaking his head, not in negation, but as though he couldn’t understand the words Merit was saying.
    Merit held Ahr’s gaze and spoke quietly. “I saw you come each day to watch the Meer borne through the street for the annual Blessing. I saw your eyes on his where he peeked at you through the curtains. I saw the turmoil you had put meneut into. It was the last day of the procession. Your fingers touched when you managed to push through the crowds following the litter at last. I saw that also.” Merit’s shoulders lifted and dropped in an unconscious gesture. “And I stumbled.”
    Ahr opened his mouth in silent shock, and in place of words, two beads of saltwater slid over his cheeks. Merit’s stumble and his subsequent rebuke by the templar priests had caused the procession’s pause and the distraction that had allowed MeerRa to lift the maiden Ahr into the litter and close the curtains around them, with no one the wiser. It had given them those stolen moments for Ra to undo her, and for Ahr to become the secret consort of a Meer and the mother of his child—the child whose theft from her mother and doting upon by the Meer’s templars would foment a rebellion across the Delta. A single stumble had changed the world.
    Ahr moved his hand from the cup into the weave of Merit’s fingers and held them tightly. “Then I love you the more,” he managed. “You are my father.”
    â€œNo,” Merit protested. “What I did was terrible, unforgivable.”
    â€œYes, it was terrible. And beautiful. And it was the only meaning my life ever had. Still you ask me for forgiveness, even for this. I can’t forgive you, Merit. I love you for it.”
    Merit withdrew his hand and wiped his brow. “I—how did we manage to get onto this subject? You were critiquing my politics.” He laughed unsteadily.
    Ahr took up his breakfast once more. “You’re a master at diverting me,” he said with a smile. “I suspect once again it was a willful act.”
    â€œRidiculous.”
    â€œThen what were we talking about?”
    Merit poured himself a cup of tea. “ Ai , this and that,” he hedged, knowing it would madden Ahr. “I believe you were needling me about getting more cooks and maids-in-waiting for my Councilors.”
    Ahr lobbed a berry at him, and Merit dodged it, laughing. “Not cooks and maids-in-waiting. Women!”
    â€œ Ai ,” said Merit. “I misunderstood you. It’s been a while since I’ve had one, also. Concubines would be lovely.” Ahr was easy to provoke, no matter how absurd the stratagem. He had no sense of humor.
    â€œYou old bastard,” Ahr exclaimed. “That’s not funny.”
    â€œOf course it is, you obstinate wet blanket.” Merit picked up his napkin, wiped his mouth and pushed away from the table, attempting to suppress his smile. “I heard everything you said. And of course you’re right. That’s why I keep you around. You make me appear unimpeachably