Free Nowhere Wild by Joe Beernink

lived it up, sometimes too hard. I never worried about it. I knew that Beth was always ready to pick me up and drive me home when I did.
    â€œShe was on her way to pick me up when she got hit. She never had a chance. That Chev pushed the driver’s-side door on her little Dodge nearly out the passenger side.”
    Jake pulled his knees up to his chest. Pain radiated from Amos’s words and cut into Jake’s heart like a hunting knife.
    â€œMy world got a lot smaller that night, Jake. My Beth. Gone. Quick as that.
    â€œI thought up a thousand other ways to end it all—to take the easy way out—but I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to take the chance that the preacher was right, and that there is no heaven for those who kill themselves. I was scared I’d end up looking through those gates at her, but never able to be with her. She was everything to me, Jake. Everything.”
    He paused, and took a sip of water from a cup before continuing his story.
    â€œI’ve never told anyone all of this. Not even your father. But you need to know . . . you need to understand.” He coughed again.“I couldn’t stay on the rez after that, so I ran. From one crappy town to another, looking for jobs that weren’t there. Not for me. I had the wrong color skin. Didn’t matter though. I wasn’t in any kind of mind to settle down. I ran from the spirits of my ancestors, and from my family. But you can’t outrun your memories, Jake. They follow you. Wherever you go.
    â€œThen your father got this idea into his head to start up this outfitting company, and whether it was foolish or not, he decided he wanted me part of it. We fought like alley cats, but he made it work. I never understood how your father could forgive me for what I did. I wanted to run a dozen times, but he held on tight. He wouldn’t let me go. Your father is a strong one. Stronger than me, that’s for sure. And then he met your mother, and she took me in, too. I didn’t know why. But when you were born, and I saw you for the first time and saw those eyes, I knew . . . I knew why we had to make it work. Why I had to stay . . . You have your grandmother’s eyes, Jake. When I saw those eyes, I knew . . .”
    Amos took a long pause to catch his breath.
    â€œI’m not going to be able to hang on much longer. Not without your help, and even then, I’m not sure how much longer I’ve got. My body just isn’t what it used to be.”
    Jake turned over in the bed, his hair falling about his eyes. It had been days since it had seen a comb or been washed. Tangles covered half his face and forced him to push the mess aside.
    â€œGrandpa, you can’t . . .” He couldn’t bring himself to say it.
    â€œIt’s not going to happen today, or this week. But it is going to happen, and probably before we get out of here. The doc said spring if I was lucky.”
    â€œSpring?” Jake tried to calculate the impact. He’d lost track of the days. He had no idea how far off Christmas was, let alone spring.
    â€œIt don’t matter about me, but there’s a lot of things I have toteach you, things you’re going to have to learn, so that at least one of us gets out of here. We’re going to make sure that once the ice breaks next spring, you can get your ass home.”
    â€œI’m not leaving you, Grandpa. Not a chance.”
    Jake sat up in bed and grabbed his grandfather’s hand. Amos looked at the boy and smiled.
    â€œYou have your father’s hands, Jake. Your grandmother’s eyes, your father’s hands, and your mother’s heart. I’ve never known a boy to have been dealt those kinds of cards.”
    â€œYou’re coming with me, Grandpa.”
    â€œMaybe so, Jake. Maybe so.”
    But that wasn’t to be. The doctor had been right, and by spring, Amos was dead.
    Now, Jake attempted to trace the same route as his father had