he could still be struck by that sense of panic he had experienced as a schoolboy, of never getting it right. It was like one of those nightmares people talked aboutâyou worked like crazy but never got anywhere. That was exactly how it had been.
He had always had to struggle to achieve what had come so easily to Natalia and Alexander. Both of his siblings had earned top grades and gotten into the School of Economics with no problem. After two unsuccessful attempts to get in, he had given up and started a degree at the regular university instead. His father had never said anything, but he hadnât needed to. By that point everyone knew that Peter was and would remain second-rate.
He sighed heavily, wondered why heâd thought of this just now. He hadnât thought about these things for a long time. But something was changing; he sensed it.
Alexander had disgraced himself with his drinking and womanizing. No one was counting on him anymore. And Natalia. Well, she was a womanâit didnât matter how good she was.
Peter looked in the rearview mirror and then passed someone quickly. Natalia seemed to be doing a good job with this new bank deal, he was willing to concede that to himself, even if he would never admit it to his father. But he hoped Natalia would pull it off. It was important to their father, and it was best for everyone that their father get what he wanted.
Peter saw the sign and turned onto the side road to the house. Soon heâd be home. Louise was already waiting for him, the perfect hostess, elegant and refined, content to be a lady of the manor at one of the countryâs finest estates. As long as Louise got to live out here she would be satisfied, he knew that. Maybe he didnât love her, but he understood her, and that was good enough. They suited each other, and he had never expected love. Didnât even know if he could love or be loved.
He slowed and drove down the long, oak-lined avenue. Some of the trees were several hundred years old. He glanced off to the side, studied the well-tended fields and waterways glimmering in the summer light. The day heâd signed the paperwork and taken over the family seat had been his proudest. It was like receiving the recognition heâd been waiting for his whole life, acknowledgment that in spite of everything, he did deserve his hereditary due. It was an opportunity to finally look ahead toward the long term and not just live from year to year.
He drove in the open iron gates, listened to gravel crunch beneath the tires. Climbed out and stood, gazing up at the yellow façade.
Maybe he should finally let go of the demons that had pursued him for so long. Because when he took over the castle, when he realized his father really was choosing him as his heir and not Alex, not some worthy cousin, but him , then it was as if someone had finally let a little light into the perpetual darkness that surrounded him and said, âNow, Peter, youâve done the right thing for so long that the statute of limitations is up on what you did in the past.â
If that was true, then there was nothing he wouldnât do to keep it that way.
Nothing.
9
Saturday, June 28
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I t was a magical performance, Natalia thought. She didnât take her eyes off Sarah Harvey for a second. It might have been one of the best evenings of her life. The atmosphere at Café Opera was close and intimate, the experience almost private.
The last note of the final encore ebbed away, and if Natalia had ever felt a spiritual presence, now was the time. There was thunderous applause from the invited guests, and Natalia caught Ã
saâs attention. They were seated at a table right up next to the stage. She could tell Ã
sa was so moved that she had tears in her eyes.
The soprano circulated around the tables, greeting friends, and shook both Natalia and Ã
saâs hands. After that they strolled out into the summer evening. Despite the late
Christopher R. Weingarten