Free Bittersweet Sands by Rick Ranson

I think the Safety Nazi would really like to be issued a German shepherd.
    Dougdoug

Day Seven

( Morning Warning )
    The lunch trailer went still as the foreman and The Safety Nazi entered. Jason looked down at his clipboard.
    He nodded to a skinny welder. “Lobotomy, I suppose you missed yesterday because you were sick.”
    â€œNaw,” Lobotomy shot back, “yesterday I was drunk. Today I’m sick.” He laughed loudly as he looked around the room, gauging the joke’s effect.
    â€œYou and the Steward, after the meeting, in my office.”
    The laughter died.
    When Lobotomy was an apprentice, he began signing his name Lobo, which means wolf. He quickly regretted it because immediately everyone else started adding “tomy” to anything he signed.
    Lobotomy was a skinny young man of many enthusiasms and body tics and few talents. If Lobotomy were a car, he would be in a lifelong demolition derby, careening from one near-wreck to another.
    Lobotomy has been a timid punk rocker, a tattoo and body piercing addict, a skinhead terrified of violence. Recently Lobotomy reincarnated himself one last time. People said that Lobotomy was in the process of slow-motion suicide. When Lobotomy heard those words, in the drug-crusted recesses of his brain an alarm bell finally clapped. It dawned on him that as cruel as the comment was, it was the truth. That’s when Lobotomy found Jesus.
    But when Lobotomy found Jesus, he didn’t actually pray. He felt that if he told enough people he’d found the Lord, well, that was good enough.
    â€œOkay, guys,” Jason said, “this morning’s Toolbox Talk is about ladders. Ladders are to be positioned so that there are at least two rungs above the level where it’s leaning. Ladders are for people only. Do not carry equipment up a ladder. Put the equipment in a canvas bag and pull it up by rope.”
    The Safety Nazi pointed to Lobotomy, who was waving his hand excitedly. Jason nodded in his direction.
    â€œDo you know why it’s unlucky to walk under ladders?” Lobotomy asked.
    â€œYes,” Jason said, “I think I do, but I’m sure you’re itching to tell us.”
    â€œWell, that’s the Holy Trinity. Each point is the Holy Trinity.”
    The room went silent. Lobotomy smiled angelically. After the extended silence stretched too long, Lobotomy continued.
    â€œEach point the ladder makes is The Father, The Son, and The Holy Ghost. You can’t break the trinity.”
    The room remained silent.
    â€œAfter the meeting,” Jason said, “you and the steward, my office.”
    â€œNo, really,” Lobotomy blurted.
    â€œYes, really. My office, after the meeting.”
    Stash looked at the Safety Nazi and said in a theatrical tone, “Hey, Barry, is it true you fired the maintenance foreman’s daughter?”
    Acastus turned purple. “She wasn’t the maintenance foreman’s daughter, and she walked through a red ribbon. Let’s move on.”
    Stash was referring to a beautiful young university student who had been hired to work the summer with the crew cleaning the lunchrooms. At the end of the orientation, she met her new foreman. She signed the papers, and she walked out the lunchroom door following three other new workers. All four new-hires walked under a red ribbon. A red ribbon on a construction site is the ultimate “no go” area. There is imminent danger within any area designated by a red ribbon. You do not take a shortcut over or under red ribbons; you go around.
    The Safety Nazi fired all four of them on the spot.
    The young beauty’s sobs were stifled as she left the office door. The Safety Nazi’s eyes burned bright. Pops, who, as union steward, had to witness this casual cruelty, turned to the smirking Safety Nazi and said, “You know who her father is?”
    â€œI don’t give a shit,” Acastus replied, but his eye was twitching