Free Spanking Shakespeare by Jake Wizner Page B

seemed at a total loss for what to do.
    “It’s not mine,” Rocco said. “You can ask him.”
    Ms. Mitchell looked ready to explode. “Both of you need to come with me to the principal’s office right now!” She turned to the class. “Start on your homework. And if I hear a sound from this room, you’ll all have detention tomorrow.”
    We didn’t get expelled. The principal listened to Ms. Mitchell, then asked us a bunch of questions, then gave us a long lecture, then called our parents to come pick us up. I told the principal exactly what had happened, the only lie being that I had found the magazine on the way to school that day.
    We waited outside the office for our parents to show up, and Rocco started to cry. “I’m so dead,” he said. “My dad said if he caught me reading pornos again, he’d send me to military school.”
    My father arrived first, and he looked more concerned than angry. He spoke to the principal for a few minutes, then told me we were going home.
    “Are you okay?” he asked after we were in the car.
    “I guess so.”
    “That must have been really embarrassing in class.”
    “I’m never setting foot in that school again.”
    My father laughed. “Your principal showed me the magazine. I can see why math must seem pretty boring in comparison.”
    I didn’t really want to talk about porno magazines with my father, because anything he said was bound to be disturbing.
    “You know, I used to read magazines like that,” he said. “But then I met your mother and she—”
    “Okay, Dad, I don’t need to hear that. Does Mom know what happened?”
    “Your principal called her first, then Mom called me and told me I had to go to school because she was too embarrassed.”
    My mother is one of those people who lives and dies by what people might think. It wouldn’t have been a big deal to her to find out that I was reading pornographic magazines, as long as nobody else knew. For her, the great tragedy was that I had been caught, and now people she knew would talk about what had happened.
    “Why couldn’t you just look at your magazine inside the house?” she asked over and over at dinner that night.
    “I can’t believe you never showed it tome,” my brother said.
    Will called me later that night to find out what had happened. “You didn’t tell anyone where you got the magazine, did you?”
    I assured him I had not.
    “Thanks,” he said. “I’ll give you another one for free tomorrow.”
    “No thanks,” I said. “I’m trying to convince my parents to transfer me to another school.”
    My parents made me go back to school the next day. Word had gotten around about what had happened, and for one day I actually experienced what it was like to be popular. I gave Ms. Mitchell an apology note at the beginning of math class, and she told me that writing the note was a very mature thing to do and that she was glad to have me back.
    On my way out of school, I saw Will Baker and Lisa Kravitz kissing in the stairwell.

JANUARY
    Here’s a little multiple-choice quiz.
             
    Why did Celeste break up with me?

    a) She was more comfortable with our just being friends.
    b) She was never really interested in me and only needed a little diversion to get her mind off Jordan Miller.
    c) Jordan Miller came home from college for Christmas vacation, and she went rushing back to him.
    d) She is manipulative and selfish, with no qualms about trampling on a poor boy’s heart.
    e) All of the above, especially d.

    What happens is I go to the movies with Neil over vacation and there they are, at the concession stand, buying buttered popcorn. They are holding hands, and Celeste is looking radiant. When she sees me, she whispers something to Jordan, and he looks at me and nods.
    Celeste leaves Jordan in line and walks over.
    “Hi,” she says.
    “Hey.” I really do not want to talk to her.
    “How are you?”
    I shrug. “I’m okay.”
    She looks around. “Are you here