Free Spanking Shakespeare by Jake Wizner Page A

been a good math student without really trying, but with Ms. Mitchell I applied myself as I never had before. In class I would find myself staring at her in rapt attention and wondering how it was that I never before had seen the beauty of a mathematical equation.
    It was inconceivable, then, that I would jeopardize my relationship with Ms. Mitchell by bringing my pornographic magazine to her class, and not just bringing it in, but actually taking it out while she was teaching. Unfortunately, sometimes things happen in life that are simply beyond your control.
    The night before the fateful incident, my mother announced that she had hired a cleaning service to come in the next day. The house was a mess, she said, and it needed professional attention. I couldn’t risk having the cleaners find my magazine, so I stuffed it in my book bag to bring to school. Then Will pulled me aside at school and said there was a rumor that the principal was going to inspect the lockers.
    “I have my magazine. Where am I supposed to put it?” I whispered.
    “Just keep it in your book bag. I’ve got, like, ten in mine.”
    Every time I had to open my bag to take something out or put something away, there was the magazine staring me in the face. By the time I got to math class, I was a nervous wreck. In math the desks were pushed together for cooperative learning, and when I opened my bag to get my book, Rocco Mackey somehow saw inside.
    “Dude, is that a porno?” he whispered. Rocco Mackey was repeating seventh grade and had the IQ of a doorknob.
    “Shhh. We’re in class.”
    “Let me see it.”
    I had to do something fast, or Rocco might begin to salivate. “Just be quiet. I’ll show you after school.”
    He nodded. “Where?”
    I tried to ignore him, but he tugged on my shirt.
    “Outside the school, now shut up.”
    Ms. Mitchell looked ravishing that day, but I was such a basket case all I could do was pray for the end of class to come quickly. We were supposed to be working with our partners on a set of problems, which usually meant me doing them, Rocco drawing obscene pictures in his notebook, and then Rocco copying what I had written.
    “Dude, she’s not looking,” Rocco whispered. “Let me see the magazine.”
    “Not now, we’re supposed to be working.” I could feel the sweat pooling under my armpits.
    Ms. Mitchell moved around the room. “Do I have a volunteer to put number one on the board?” She looked at me expectantly, and I felt myself blush.
    “How about it, Shakespeare?”
    Normally, I would have been delighted to do anything Ms. Mitchell asked of me, but I was terrified of leaving my bag unguarded for even a second.
    “I don’t think I got that one right,” I muttered.
    She looked at my paper. “That’s right,” she said. “Go ahead and put it up. Who wants to put up number two?”
    I gave Rocco my most threatening look, walked to the front of the room, copied the problem as quickly as possible, and hurried back to my seat. My book bag was unzipped, and the magazine was gone.
    I looked over at Rocco. He was slouched in his chair, staring at his lap with his eyes popped out and his tongue making circles around his lips, looking for all the world like a starving boy with a big juicy steak in front of him.
    There was no question that something disastrous was going to happen. Any moment now, Ms. Mitchell would turn away from the board, see Rocco drooling on himself, and discover the magazine. It occurred to me that if I got expelled from school, at least I wouldn’t have to do the science project that was due next week.
    “Give it back,” I whispered through gritted teeth.
    “Shhh, don’t draw attention to me.”
    In desperation, I grabbed for the magazine, Rocco grabbed my wrist, both our hands banged into the desk, and everyone in the class turned to stare at us.
    Ms. Mitchell was there in two Amazonian strides. “Give me the magazine,” she said. When she saw what it was, she blushed deeply and