Free Sheisty by T.N. Baker

more I compared myself to Tanya, the more frustrated I became. It felt like I was putting a puzzle together, but didn't have all the pieces.

SHANA
    I finally moved into my first apartment. It's a small one bedroom in a basement, but it's mine. I still had a few things at my mom's that I need to get. While packing my stuff, I ran across several unopened letters from K.C. I didn't even know he had written me since he'd been locked up. The first letter said: Sha,
    By the time this letter reaches you I hope it finds you and your family in the best of health.
    As for myself, I'm doing the best I can considering my cir-cumstances. Listen, I know I'm facing a lot of time in here because the man has got me on some bogus conspiracy charges, but I am innocent and I'm gonna fight these bastards for my life.
    I have a lot of time to think in here and I could not let another day go by without writing to tell you how much I love you and I apologize for not treating you like the Nubian Queen that you are.
    You stuck by me during all the bullshit and I'll always love you for that. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.
    A nigga needs you to drop me a line or come see me. I'll be waiting.
    Love always,
    Kalub Cright
    Something melted inside of me. My insides got all hot and shit, because deep down inside I had mad love for him. As hard as K.C. tried not to show it when he was out on the streets, I knew he loved me too. I had to see him and drop a few dollars on his books. By the time I got to the last letter his words were slightly different:
    Sha,
    Yo, shorty you really shitting on a muthafucka. I guess you ain't really give a fuck about me cause now a nigga fucked up and I can't even get a few words on some fucking paper from you yo, that shit hurts, word up. I took care of your bum ass when your people ain't do shit. I ain't never asked you for nuttin', it's all good though, a nigga see what's really good. U take care, breath easy baby girl.
    ONE
    I ain't even gonna trip 'cause these letters were dated back three and four months ago. He's only speaking out of anger
    'cause a nigga thinks I shitted on him. After making a call to the house where at least 75% of our black men reside, Riker's Island, I was told that he was transferred upstate. It took me a week to find out his exact location and information. But I had to see him.

EPIPHANY
    Listening to him beg and plead on my answering machine several times a day didn't help much. It only made me weaker and more eager to hear what he had to say even though it wouldn't matter now after all the bullshit that went down. I wanted to talk to him and needed to hear what he had to say, his side of the story. As much as I tried to fight the feeling of missing his no good ass, I couldn't.
    It's a difficult situation when your heart won't feel what your mind needs it to. It's been 24 hours since my phone stopped ringing and the thought of C just giving up on me made my heart hurt. I checked my caller ID to make sure I didn't sleep through any of his calls, even though I really haven't slept much. I just needed to make sure. I would rewind and replay every message over and over again until I finally stopped fighting it and called him up.
    The first ring had my heart pounding. Second ring, it pounded even harder. Third ring and then his voicemail, my heart dropped into the bottom of my stomach. I hung up the phone wishing I never called him at all. Damn, I should've just picked up the phone. Maybe, he's with Tanya. I thought to myself feeling partly to blame for him saying, "Fuck it." Ring...
    Oh shit, that's my phone. I jumped up and ran to the caller ID to see if it was him, 'cause that would determine if I would answer or not. It was him. My heart started pounding again; I picked up, speaking in a tone that showed no pain.
    "Hello?"
    "Epiphany?" he hesitated, unsure that it was me.
    "Hey," I said.
    "Did you just call me?" he asked.
    That's the bullshit; he puts the ball in my court to