Free Heartfire: The Tales of Alvin Maker, Volume V by Orson Scott Card

of your own life, then get on with it. Go away. The longer you follow me around the more you’re going to get caught up in
my
life, and pretty soon all you’ll be is the fellow who helped Alvin Smith build him a Crystal City.”
    “That’s if you succeed in building it.”
    “Now we’re to it, ain’t we, Very?” said Alvin. “It’s worth it to tag along with me iffen I end up building the damn city. But what if I never figure it out?
Then
what’s your life about?”
    Verily turned his back on Alvin, but he didn’t leave the room. He walked to the window. “Now I see,” he said.
    “See what?”
    “I sat here getting angrier and angrier, and I thought it was because you were delaying our journey and hadn’t sent word, and I talked myself into resenting the highhanded way you make decisions, but that was nonsense, because I’m free to leave any time. I’m with you by my own choice, and that includes being patient while you figure things out. So why was I angry?”
    “Being angry isn’t always for a reason that makes sense.”
    “Do you imagine you have to tell a lawyer that?”Verily laughed grimly. “I see now that I was really angry because I’m not in control of my own life. I’ve handed it over to you.”
    “Not to me,” said Alvin.
    “You’re the one leading this expedition.”
    “You think just because you’re not in charge of your own life right now, I must be in charge?” Alvin sat down on the floor and leaned against the wall. “I didn’t give myself this knack. I didn’t set the Unmaker to trying to kill me a dozen times over while I was growing up. I didn’t cause myself to be born where this torch girl could see my future and use my birth caul to save my life every one of those times. I didn’t choose to get all caught up with Tenskwa-Tawa, either—I was kidnapped by a bunch of Reds as was in cahoots with Harrison. And when I do make a choice it’s liable to blow up in my face. I figured out how to save Arthur from the Finders but what did it cost him? He can’t do the voices anymore, not even the true voices of the birds. I’d give anything to put him back to rights, the way he was. And this golden plow, this living plow I found in the fire, that was the worst mistake of all, cause I don’t know how to use it or what
it’s
for. But I feel like it’s got to make sense. There’s got to be some purpose behind it. Some plan. Only I can’t see what it’s supposed to be. Not the future, not the present, not the past. And Margaret’s no help neither, cause she sees too many futures and all she cares about is whether I’m dead, as if there’s some future in which I don’t die. Verily, you feel like you’re getting led around on a string, but at least you can look at the other end of the string and see who’s holding it.”
    “You,” said Verily.
    “And you can take it back if you want. You can go your own way. But me, Verily, who’s holding
my
string? And how can I get away?”
    Verily sank to his knees in front of Alvin and put his hands on Alvin’s shoulders, then pulled him into an embrace.“You need a friend, and I’m nothing but a nag, Alvin.”
    “You’re the friend I need, Verily, as long as you want to be,” said Alvin.
    They held each other for a long moment, both of them rejoicing in the closeness, and both relieved that they hadn’t lost it in the flaring of tempers of two strong-willed men.
    “So we stay another night?” asked Verily.
    “If Mistress Louder hasn’t changed the sheets,” said Alvin.
    “She hasn’t,” said Verily. “She said she wouldn’t till she saw you ride off.”
    “So she knew I wouldn’t get away today?”
    “She wished,” said Verily. “You know she’s set her cap for you.”
    “Don’t be silly. She’s twenty years older than me at least, and I’m a married man.”
    “Cupid shoots his arrows where they’ll cause the most mischief,” said Verily.
    “She mothers me,” said Alvin. “That’s all it