Free Fear of the Dead by Mortimer Jackson Page B

so I called Tatsuki’s phone. He never picked up. I called the airport, to make sure that his plane would still come back on time.
    No one answered.
    I turned on the news, and an evacuation had already started. The military was taking people to…wherever they were taking them. There was a map up on the television, with a man talking over it like it was the weather forecast. He said that the red zones on the map were unsafe for travel; infected. The circle went all around the center of California, and LAX was in the orange zone.
    The newsman told us that we had to leave. So I did. I took the children with me, and I drove. And while we were on the road I tried to call my son again. He didn’t pick up. He never picked up. And that was when I started to cry.
    The kids kept on asking me what was going on. Where was mom and dad. They knew as much as I did, but I didn’t want to tell them that. I was so worried that my mind started going ten places at once. I was so worried that I…I blanked from the road. And before I could see it, a truck was headed in front of my car.
    There was too little time to react. We crashed, and the children…
    I killed what I had left of my son.
    Any time that someone leaves the store, a part of me goes back to that day. Even if they’re only gone for a few seconds, I never know for sure how long they’re going to be out. Eli and Atton have been gone for two days. No. Three. And now Linus.
    For all my life I’ve done my best to do right by you. But I don’t know if I can do it any longer. You tell us that everything that happens is a part of your will; that nothing in life happens without your permission. If so, then why is it that everyone I have ever taken care of leaves without ever saying goodbye?
    If you have the answer, I would like to know.
     
    In Jesus’ name I pray,
    Amen.
     
    2:26 PM
     
    Exactly as she’d gotten so used to doing since her stay, Grace sat outside and watched the city while time passed her by. Grace sunk in her chair, and feelings of emotional distress wore on her face. She looked up at the sky in a resigned gaze.
    “ You should have told me.”
    The sky said nothing in return. It remained as it was and had always been; faceless, omnipotent, and inhuman.
    Where was God now?
    Grace heard Vanessa enter the roof before she opened the door.
    “ Grace, are you alright?”
    Vanessa knelt beside her.
    She shook, and sighed. As she reflected more on more on Linus’ absence, the conversation she had with him yesterday came and never went away. The one where he mentioned what would have been his reason for leaving.
    “ I should have listened to him.”
    “ You couldn’t have known he would go,” Vanessa replied.
    It wasn’t true. Linus did say he was going. He suggested it right in front of her face. She saw the sign, and yet she did nothing to dissuade him from going. Now Linus was gone, along with Atton and Eli. That left only her and Vanessa in the store. And for how long?
    Their numbers were dwindling. Grace had little left in her to hope for, but she spent her last bit of optimism praying that their numbers wouldn’t taper even more.
    “ Why don’t you come inside?” Vanessa asked. “It’s getting cold out here.”
    It was, wasn’t it? Somehow Grace hadn’t noticed until Vanessa brought it up.
    A rush of air passed by, causing her arms to shiver with the wind, and her teeth to clatter. Still, Grace didn’t want to leave.
    “ I think that I’d like to stay here for a while,” she answered back, retaining her hospitable calm and civility.
    “ Are you sure?”
    Grace looked up, held Vanessa’s hand.
    “ I’m fine.”
    “ Well, let me know if you need anything.”
    “ I will.”
    Vanessa went downstairs, giving Grace all the privacy she needed for the moment being. She fell on her knees once again to pray, but she said nothing. Rather than talk to God, Grace kept an air of silence, thought to herself, decided for once to be alone.
     
    5:49