apparent. Usually he’s over here nearly constantly and texting me when he’s not. It’s awkward for me, because I just found out he might have feelings for me, and it’s awkward for him, because I kissed him, then he had to reject me, pretending he had feelings for me to not embarrass me. To top it off, he now thinks I’m like in love with him or something. Does he regret what he said, or is he just giving me the space he thinks I need? I mean, he can’t actually have feeling for me, can he? If he does have feelings for me, then why hasn’t he been over? The fact that he’s avoiding me leads me to believe that he lied about his feelings for me, and it’s now awkward, because he doesn’t know that I don’t actually have feelings for him.
What are we supposed to say to each other now? Where do we go from here? Do we pretend like nothing has happened and go on like we were before? Somehow I can’t see that working. We’ll have to at least talk about this. Even if we go on like nothing happened, it won’t be the same. Have I really just ruined my one and only relationship? Lost my one and only friend?
I spend the day cleaning to take my mind off of things. On the plus side, staying in my house alone at night has proven to be less scary than anticipated. I expected to be flinching at every sound like I was right after my run in with Landon and Blayk. I think I have Crispen to thank for my calmness. I can’t believe that he’s stayed with me every night since then, just to make sure I’m okay. He probably knew how silly my fears were, and still, he stayed with me just to reassure me. It all kind of seems silly now. I mean, I obviously over reacted about the whole getting stalked and killed thing. Blayk and Landon seem like nothing more than a dream these days, a terrible dream. It almost feels as if my mind came up with the whole thing. I mean honesty, interconnecting houses? That’s nuts!
My cleaning and thoughts are interrupted when the doorbell rings. I check the peephole. It’s about the time for the girl scouts to be coming around with cookies, and I’m a little excited to get my hands on a few boxes. After all, they only come around once a year. Unfortunately, there are no girl guides at my door, instead, Crispen stands on my doorstep.
I hesitate before opening the door slowly and pasting a smile on my face. “Hello,” I greet him. I’m more than excited to see him, but I just don’t know what to say. It’s seriously all so awkward now.
“Hey,” he replies, equally as awkward and hesitant. “I wanted to apologize for the other night.” He scratches his head just above his left ear nervously. Why is he apologizing? I’m the one who basically raped him in the bar parking lot with kisses! Thinking about my action brings on a whole new wave of embarrassment. Why did I have to do that? Do I crave a relationship that badly? No, and that’s the thing. I have no reason or excuse for what I did. Who just randomly kisses their guy best friend?
“I’m the one who should be sorry. I’m sorry for being such an idiot. I’ve been all doom and gloom lately, and I think that having you around so much helping me and stuff just…”
He cuts me off, as I’m about tell him that he’s right, and we shouldn’t be together that way, because we hardly know each other. He’ll still think I’m into him, and I’ll still think he’s into me, but at least then he doesn’t think he’s hurt my feelings or something by rejecting me. “Are you about to blame my helping you on making you attracted to me? If you are, that’s pretty rude,” he jokes, but I see sadness in his eyes. Why is he so confusing? Are all men like this?
“No, I just think that I got wrapped up in everything. I’ve only known you for a few weeks. It’s not like I can feel anything more for you than friendship,” I ramble on nervously. I’m only making things worse, and I know it.
“You don’t think so? We’ve spent almost