Free The Search for Ball Zero by Tony Dormanesh

city and go hang
    out in the woods for a few years.”
    Tony looked at L, thinking she’d shoot down
his wild thought quickly. “Sounds good to me. Fuck these IC
infested, Ad idiots. warstore loving morons who’d kill and/or die
to buy the newest smart watch.” She stood up, and kicked the
package of rainbow dildos, shaking a few loose. “This is what we
get, a bunch of rainbow dildos, fucked up apartments, dead
cats.”
    She was actually on board. Tony tried to be
the voice of reason, “You guys are
    talking about leaving society? Toilets, the
internet, candy, drugs, concerts, video games, pinball?” Then he
looked at Perry, “Porn?”
    Perry pulled out his phone, “Solar powered
phone charger. I got the internet, porn and games covered.”
    L chimed in,”You probably wipe your ass with
that phone too, so you got toilet paper covered too.” She reached
out in a give-me-the-bong motion. Perry obliged. Just before she
took a hit she nodded towards Perry,”I like his idea, for once.”
And she took a bigger rip than I’ve ever seen her take. She had a
different look in her eye.
    “ Have you asked Missy
about it?” L asked.
    “ No, Tony just had this
brilliant idea.” Perry said.
    L looked at Tony surprised, “This was your idea?”
    Tony just rolled his eyes and shook my head.
“Nope, his” and he pelted Perry with a rainbow dildo.
    “ I’ll text her and tell
her we’re doing it right now.” L said and started tapping on her
phone. They were both high, but they’ve both been high before, Tony
thought. How was Tony the only one that didn’t want to “leave
society”.
    “ She’s in.” L
said.
    Perry was laying on his back, holding a
rainbow dildo above his mouth, shaking
    it, slowly moving it towards his mouth.
“Niiice.” He said right before the dildo penetrated his mouth.
    “ Fozzie let’s go” Perry
said enthusiastically. He knew that tone of voice would
    get her excited. Fozzie jumped up and ran
over to her leash, wagging her tail. “See, she wants to go
too.”
    “ We can’t just run off.”
Tony said.
    “ We’ll make a list of
things we need, I’ll take the guys to the old Walmart, if Juicy has
any of those fake credit cards we’ll use those. Or we’ll just rob
the shit outta the place.” Perry said.
    “ We’re not bringing Juicy.
And Eric and Juicy are attached at the hip.”
    “ I know, but they would
love to help in any sort of criminal endeavor. We’ll do
    it tonight, and we’ll leave tomorrow to form
utopia.”
    “ That sounds like a
fucking rad plan, Perry. Do eeet!” L playfully said
    surprisingly. “We’ll need…” L started the
list of things they needed. Perry started typing a list on his
phone. The both of them were so into it, but they forgot a few
things, so Tony reminded them and all of a sudden he was part of
this. He still wasn’t sure if it was just one of Perry’s hair
brained schemes that he would forget about tomorrow, or if they
were serious.

9
ROBBING THE OLD SHITTY WALMART
    Perry went home later with a crime spree in
his mind.
    “ What’s up
motherfuckers!?” He burst into his apartment with the new
sky
    light, created by the warstore. “I got a
plan to rob the old shitty Walmart, you guys in?”
    “ Fuck yea!” Juicy said
enthusiastically and without any thought, from his lazy boy-like
chair. Then the afterthought, “Um, why?”
    “ I need some camping
equipment.” Perry replied nonchalantly. Then he made his way over
to the couch where Eric was always sleeping, like “The Guy” in
Half
    Baked, and yelled in his ear “Wake up Eric!
It’s the cops!”
    Eric flailed wildly for a second and quickly
surveyed the area with very awake eyes, then punched Perry,
“Asshole.” and laid back down.
    “ Hey man, I’m moving out.”
Perry explained,”I just wanted to know if you’re down for one more
big score… For old times sake.”
    “ What?” Eric started
walking and sitting up,”You can’t move out, you still owe me a
hundred