Free Soulmates by Jessica Grose Page B

I started studying with Lama Yoni, I had become concerned that her need for control was altering my natural stream.
    Yoni once told a parable about the formation of the Panch-chuli Glacier in northeastern India. While we were in savasana he described the hard snowpack accumulating year after year, compressing into a pile of forbidding ice and helping to create the Darma Valley. He talked about the compression pushing all the air out, so that the ice turns an otherworldly blue. He emphasized the fact that glaciers are always changing, that’s their natural state. But you cannot plan the path of a glacier. It will shape-shift in a preordained way, at a preordained pace.
    I knew that Amaya was in my life for a reason, but by that same logic Dana was in my life, too. And even though our bond was frayed, it would be moving that glacier to break that bond. I would need a loud and clear sign from the universe that my time with Dana was over.
    After Valentine’s Day, things were slightly better between Dana and me for about a week. But the following week we were back to our old inertia: I was asleep when she left for work, and I was at work when she finally got home. On the weekends, all she wanted to do was sleep and watch really ugly, soul-searing reality television. I kept trying to get her to come down to the Urban Ashram, but she kept finding reasons to avoid it. She’dsay her ACL was acting up, or that it was too cold to go so far downtown. She knew she was hurting my feelings because she wouldn’t look me in the eye when she gave me her excuses. I knew she thought yoga was boring, but she didn’t care that this was important to me.
    If our marriage had faltered a year earlier, I would have asked Dana to go to couples therapy to help us reconnect. But Lama Yoni believes that psychiatry stands in the way of our spiritual development, because it intellectualizes our instincts. I was sick of intellectualizing everything, like I’d done since I was a kid, so I was inclined to agree with him.
    DAILY AFFIRMATION :
    â€œDesire is the engine that runs the world.”
    â€”Lama Yoni
    One morning Dana shook me awake at six thirty before she left for work. Her eyes were shining. “Hey,” she whispered, her breath minty fresh. “I want to come to a yoga class tonight. Can you set it up for me?”
    â€œSure,” I said sleepily. “What made you change your mind?”
    â€œI know I’ve been really stressed lately and I haven’t been spending enough time with you,” she said. Then she kissed me sweetly before leaving. I was so grateful and happy that Dana was finally coming around. When I woke up for the second time I looked at her chart, and found that her transiting Venus was in strong trine with her natal Midheaven: in other words, the relationship energy of Venus was charging up her personality with more sympathy for others.
    I called the ashram after I looked at Dana’s chart and scheduled an eight P . M . class for both of us. Yoni was supposed to teach this class, and I wanted Dana to get the best of the best. I even remembered to e-mail her to tell her to get there fifteen minutes early. Dana was always annoyed with me for not remembering details like that. I hoped she’d give me extra points for being so responsible.
    On the subway to the ashram, I was so excited I couldn’t sit still. Yoni always said that one enlightened event can change a lifetime, and I was hoping that this might be one of those events. If I could start taking Dana to the ashram, I wouldn’t need Amaya to fulfill those needs. It would take a while—first she’d have to get into yoga, and then I’d have to show her the spiritual stuff—but it would be worth it. Wouldn’t I prefer to live an honest life, with my wife knowing all sides of me?
    I walked into the ashram and waited in the lobby for Dana. I watched person after person walk into the class and set their