Claire had passed and for better or worse, I’d kept to the tradition of
the shared birthday, keeping the kids together, keeping the family together.
Jessica appeared in the doorway behind me, carrying the
cake, candles lit. The room went quiet at the sight of her. At least it did for
me. The light flickered across her face, caressing her cheeks, giving her skin
a warm glow. I enjoyed having her in my home, with my family, but wondered if
they felt the same.
Jessica noticed that all eyes were on her, not just on the
cake she was carrying, but on her. This was the first time I’d brought her home
to meet the family and I realized that my timing was perhaps not the best. I
shouldn’t have eclipsed the children’s party with introducing Jess to them, but
somehow, it seemed right to me. Maybe that’s just what I told myself to make it
feel okay. Maybe that’s actually the way it was. But it felt right having her
here. I’d known Jess for nearly a year and a half now. It was right for her to
be around my family.
To break the ice, Jessica began to sing. Softly at first in
a voice almost like a little girl she began to sing “Happy Birthday to You.” I
joined her immediately and a second after, Alaina joined us. I put my hand on
Jessica’s back and gave her a smile of encouragement. Melissa’s eyes were
bright and dancing with excitement. She was bouncing in her seat, clapping her
hands in a soft little pitter-patter of anticipation. David was in awe, his
eyes fixated on the candles, wide in wonder. We wrapped with a hurried “Happy
Birthday, David and Melissa… Happy Birthday to You!” and a shout of victory
went up. The children blew fiercely and the candles were vanquished. I stepped
in with the knife to slay the beast… or at least to serve the chocolate cake.
“You’ve got a nice voice,” I said over my shoulder to Jess,
but she scoffed.
“My mother has a nice voice,” Jess replied. “But I didn’t
inherit it.”
“I thought you were in the choir when you were a kid?”
“Yes,” she replied. “The part about ‘making a joyful noise’
was for my benefit. I sing in the shower but that’s about it.”
I made a mental note to check into that later, but decided
to move on. I was serving cake around the table, the children first, then
Alaina and Jessica. Jess squeezed my shoulder as she took the plate from me and
sat down. Alaina jumped up and announced that she needed to go to the restroom
and disappeared down the hallway. I shot Jess a quick look.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’d better wash up myself. I’ll be
right back.”
Jess didn’t have to say anything, but her eyes told me the
whole story. She was trying to fit in here and while David and Mel seemed to go
with the flow, Alaina wasn’t quite so resilient. Part of my reserve in bringing
Jessica home was out of fear of reaction from the family. And Alaina was
sometimes more my family than I realized.
I followed her down the hallway and called after her in
stage whisper that sounded ridiculous to my own ears, but I didn’t know what
else I could do.
“Alaina? Wait a second… Alaina!”
She turned around at the end of the hallway, just before she
reached the backdoor. She was upset. I could tell. I had seen enough women in
my life that were upset with me to know to know that she was one of them.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Nothing,” she shot back at me. She answered too fast, too
sharply for it to be the truth and she knew it. I stood back and looked at her.
Her arms were crossed, her face dark with emotion.
“Really? It’s nothing?” I scoffed.
Alaina’s face held defiant for a moment then crumbled and
she let out an exasperated sighed.
“Alright…” she said. “I guess she’s…” Alaina gestured toward
the dining room where Jessica was entertaining the kids and they were giggling.
“She’s… she’s great, okay? She’s just not… not…”
“She’s not Claire,” I offered. I didn’t know if