difference was somewhat of a factor, but it was more him than me who put distance between us as we got older.”
“Ernie, please!” Mrs. Gahain said.
I knew Ethan worshiped his older brother when they were kids. According to Caroline, as adults Ernie and Ethan had fought often and loudly, causing no amount of grief at family gatherings. Caroline had informed me that she thought it was both their fault. Ernie refused to give her details about the background to the fights. He never pointed to one specific incident in the past. When she had first told me, I had suggested that maybe it wasn’t one specific thing that had caused the break. Maybe it was just the result of being brothers who rubbed each other the wrong way. Then again, maybe Ethan had done something recently that had made Ernie angry enough to commit fratricide.
Ernie said, “We can’t hide things if we expect the truth to come out. I need to lead a quiet life. Ethan always had to be going and moving and doing, just being more intensely than anyone else. I’m afraid it finally caught up with him. I should be the one to go to St. Louis. I just can’t handle it physically. I figured something was bothering him, but, no, I don’t know what it was.”
I asked, “Have any of you remembered any connection he had with someone named Michael?” I had told them about his last words.
All of them gave various forms of the same puzzled frown. Mrs. Gahain said, “Since you told us that earlier, we’ve tried to figure out who he may have been referring to. We haven’t a clue. I assume he must have known people named Michael, but we aren’t aware of anyone he knew well enough to say he loved him.”
“He wasn’t gay,” Mr. Gahain said. “Why would he say he loved Michael?”
This was delicate. I was not about to discuss their son’s sexuality with them. Not at this point. Not if Ethan hadn’t. “None of his kids were named Mike, were they?” I asked. “Or maybe a nickname for one of his wives like the movie with Pat and Mike that Spencer Tracy and Katharine Hepburn made?”
Mrs. Gahain said, “No. That can’t have been what his last words meant.”
My dad corrected me, “Hepburn was Pat so that comparison doesn’t work.” Then he added, “It sure was an odd thing for him to say.”
I said, “I’ll keep asking about that name especially while we’re down in St. Louis.”
We agreed to go that day. My mother pulled me aside in the hallway. “I know the Gahains think you and Ethan were still close. I know you haven’t been since you broke up when you were kids.”
“You knew about that?”
“That silly grin you had on your face for over a year when you were in high school could only mean one thing. You weren’t dating any girls. You would have told us. Then you went into that heavily morose period that one winter. It wasn’t hard to figure out.”
“Oh. All that agony I went through to come out to you guys …”
“Probably wasn’t necessary. Perhaps you’re a stronger person for it.”
“I’d rather be a stronger person without it. Pain hurts.”
“I understand, dear. It’s over. The Gahains are good friends. I’m glad you agreed to go.”
“They were like a second set of parents to me when I was a kid. Do the Gahains know Ethan and I were lovers as kids?”
“They’ve never mentioned it. I never brought it up. It’s not my secret to tell.” She hugged me and gave me a little kiss on the cheek.
As the rest of the crowd drifted toward the elevator, my sister fell in step beside me. She put a hand on my elbow to slow me down. She gazed carefully at me. “I know you, Thomas. You’re suspicious by nature. Ernie did not kill his brother. We both know they didn’t get along. Ernie is in a wheelchair, for Christ’s sake. He can’t even maneuver that freely.” I knew there were logistical problems to Ernie having been the killer, but the stall in the washroom had been wheelchair accessible. When I didn’t