Free 'Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy by Leslie Langtry

hand cautiously. “Diego Jones. And you are?”
    Dak responded with reserve. “Dakota, Gin’s brother.” Why do men have to act so weird all the time?
    Diego relaxed and smiled. I, on the other hand, glared at my brother.
    “Dak, that was for tomorrow night. Not tonight.”
    He slapped his forehead. “Oh, right. Sorry about that.” Then the bastard took a seat. I toyed with the idea of poisoning him. No, that would just piss Mom off.
    “Out!” I found my voice. “Or I’ll kill you.” Okay, so I was only half kidding.
    Dak held up his hands. “All right, fine. Tomorrow night it is.” He turned to Diego. “It was nice meeting you.” Diego responded the same way and my asshole brother left.
    “He seems okay,” Diego mused. “I think I’ve met everyone now.”
    That was sad but true. Once again, my family had invaded my personal space. From my neurotic mother and good-natured father to my bastard brother, Diego had met them all within the same week I met him. Oy vey.
    “I’m sorry. He’s just a little . . .” I couldn’t think of the appropriate adjective. “I guess my family had me followed.”
    “It’s fine, really. In fact, I think it’s rather nice.”
    I arched my right eyebrow. “Really?”
    Diego laughed. “Really. Charming actually.”
    “Charming? Are you insane? This is the kind of stuff that usually drives men away! A single mother approaching forty, whose mother acts like she’s twelve, whose brother stalks her on dates? Do you go out with women like me a lot?”
    “No,” he said with a smile. “It’s just nice to see a family who is so close. My father died when I was at university. And Mum is, well, colorful.”
    Oooh! I’d forgotten his father was dead. I wanted to comfort him. Something about being an orphan screamed, Let me make it all go away.
    “Sorry about that. Your father, I mean.”
    “It’s okay. I just learned to appreciate family more, that’s all.”
    Okay, now he had my underwear. If only this game of strip date were real....
    Poppy padded into the room, sniffing the floor and indicating that she wanted to go outside.
    “I have to take her out,” I said to Diego. “I’ll be right back.” Oh , and feel free to remove any constrictive articles of clothing while I’m gone.
    Once outside, I took a deep breath. Poppy waddled around the yard, looking for the perfect spot to kill my grass. This thing with Diego was going fast. Not that I minded. I wasn’t exactly the pillar of moral turpitude, myself. Mentally, I had convinced myself this was just a fling. Why not just have sex and move on?
    Wow. I hadn’t even had sex for a while. What if I did something wrong? How could you do something wrong? It was pretty simple, really, stick-plug-into-socket technology at best.
    Obviously the attraction was there. Was it ever! And I was pretty sure he wanted me too. Okay! That’s it! I’m gonna go in there and have mind-altering sex!
    I walked confidently into the kitchen, announcing triumphantly, “I’m ready!” Then my jaw went slack. Diego was putting on his coat! Why in the hell was he doing that?
    “Sorry, Gin.” He had the grace to look a little crushed. “My client just got a suspicious phone call. I have to check it out.”
    “What?” What? How could this happen? I was ready, dammit!
    Diego kissed me on the lips. “At least you’re in the business and know what I’m dealing with. Most women wouldn’t be so understanding.”
    “Oh sure, I understand,” I said weakly. Okay, so I didn’t mean it. But what could I do? I’d told him I was a bodyguard. It was my own damn fault.
    After he left, I settled on the couch with my knitting. I tortured the yarn for about four rows before taking a cold shower. As I emerged from the bathroom, shivering, I realized that I could channel this energy for good. I was ready to kill someone.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

    “Death. The eternal blink. The capricious dance of Now You Stop Moving Forever. Well, contrary to popular