Free Ruthless by Cairo Page B

is.”
    â€œReal spit, Pash, you bigger than that, ma. Be the bigger woman ‘n’ let that shit go. Walk away, ma. It’s not worth it. But since we havin’ this conversation, keep it gee wit’ me. How you gonna feel any kinda way ’bout me keepin’ shit from you when you was out there doin’ you behind Jasp’s back the whole time he was on lock?”
    I blink, feeling as if I’ve just been slapped. And I immediately become defensive, ready to bring it to his ass. “Excuuuuuse you?!” I shriek, pushing back from my desk and jumping to my feet, hand up on hip. “Newsflash: I wasn’t doing shit behind Jasper’s back his whole bid. I held out for two -and-a-half, sexless, lonely-ass years before I gave in. But that nigga stayed fucking bitches behind myback whenever he felt the urge. You and I both know it. I never cheated on Jasper, not once , while he was on the streets. Never even gave it a thought, even after all the bitches he cheated on me with and I had to run up on. I did…”
    â€œC’mon, Pash, you don’t have to—”
    I pace the floor, cutting him off. “I wanted dick, Stax, okay? I wanted Jasper’s dick. This pussy needed it. I wanted that nigga home to fuck me, deep and hard. But he couldn’t, Stax. His black ass was locked up. I knew going into it that doing that bid with him wasn’t going to be easy. Still, I swore to him I wouldn’t fuck another nigga while he was on lock. And I didn’t . As bad as I wanted to have this pussy gutted by a hard-ass dick, I stayed true to my fucking word.
    â€œBut there’s only so much fucking a bitch with a high sex drive and a neglected, wet pussy can do with fingers and dildos and phone sex before it’s no longer enough. Before it breaks her resolve. And guess what, Stax? It broke me. It wasn’t enough for me anymore. I needed, wanted, craved more. My pussy wanted more, my pussy begged for more…”
    â€œI hear you, Pash,” he says, sounding uncomfortable hearing my declaration.
    â€œI love dick, Stax, okay? I love sucking dick. Lots of it!…”
    He tries to stop me again. Tells me he doesn’t need to hear this. That he was out of pocket for calling me out like that. But he’s already flipped open the confession box. And there’s no shutting it back until I am done. Until I have purged my dirty deeds.
    â€œI held that nigga down his whole goddamn bid, okay. Anything he wanted or needed, he got it. Every collect call, I accepted. Every goddamn visit, I was there. With a smile on my face, and an ache in my heart, I was any-and-every-thing Jasper needed me to be. And each time I left those visits, or hung up from his calls, orstepped out of his embrace, I was still an angry, frustrated, horny bitch.
    â€œI know what I was doing behind Jasper’s back was fucked up. I was cheating on him. I was lying to him. At that time I didn’t think sucking a nigga’s dick was cheating, since I wasn’t being fucked . But it was, it is, cheating; period. Yet, I wasn’t doing anything that he hadn’t been doing to me when he was out on the bricks. Still, two wrongs never make it right. The thing is, Stax, my sucking dick had nothing to do with purposely trying to wrong Jasper. It was about me needing an outlet; me needing a little something on the side to take the edge off until Jasper came home. But guess what? The closer Jasper was to coming home, the more I indulged. I got caught up. The more dick I snuck out to suck, the more dick I wanted. And the more reckless I became.
    â€œI did what I did while Jasper was locked up. Again, I’m not saying that made it right. Cheating is cheating, no matter what. But I wasn’t fucking or sucking any of his damn cousins. And none of them niggas were grinning up in his damn face, while fucking me like Felecia, you, and everyone else had been doing in