Free Embracing Life by Nicky Jayne

start. This is complicated” His eyes go frantic. He is looking everywhere rather than maintaining eye contact with me. I want to scream at him, but I know it won’t get me anywhere. He is hiding something.
    “Look, Josh, I have an idea why you wanted to talk to me, but I want to hear it from you. You wanted to talk. You sent the note. So, talk. I’m listening.” I don’t falter as I say the words. Yes, I am angry with everything I have found out the last couple of days, but I have to give him a chance to tell me what he wanted to say. By his reaction, I know that would not happen if I came at him yelling and screaming. His eyes finally find focus on mine, and I see it. Damn it! Unspoken words flowing from his expression as his eyes speak without a word.
    “Please, Josh. I have been lied to so many times in my life. For once, I need to know the truth,” I plead. My plea shocks him. I have gone from a silent nobody to a pitiful, whining teenager in 24 hours. I am not sure if he understands how to deal with me. I have never really given him the opportunity to. I shot him down the minute I felt he was not truthful with me. I knew the truth back then, and I still know the truth now. He has a past as I do. I should have seen that and given him the chance to let me in. His eyes are burning into me, and I can tell he is trying to figure me out. I am, once again, captured by ocean colored eyes. I love those eyes….Damn it, Mel! Snap out of it!
    “Ok. Look, I’m sorry. I should have never sent you that letter, but I wanted to talk to you about….well, I wanted to get to know you. Mike has been by your side the last three years, and he won’t let me anywhere near you. I know why.  I do, but seeing as we are going to graduate here soon, I thought, maybe, I could… you should know… ummm.”
    As he speaks, he rocks back and forth on his heels. He clearly has something to say, but he won’t say it.  As I watch him nervously shift, Katie’s words come rushing back to me, “There are things you don’t know Mel.” I am going to have to approach this differently. Bringing up why Mike is so protective over me is not the way to go. It will lead to questions about me. Questions that I can’t handle, let alone answer.
    “Look, Josh. Mike has been like a big brother to me since moving here. I know he is protective, maybe a little too protective at times, but what is so wrong with you that he would not want me talking to you?”
    I wait for his answer, but deep down, I know I will not get one.
    I watch as he leans his body against my car. I look at the figure before me and think back to when we first met and how much he has changed. He is no longer a boy. He is a man. Everything about him is perfect. I am nothing in comparison to him. I watch as he shifts his body. Every inch of him is defined, toned, and tanned. I find it hard to see what he could possibly see in me. I am not Jessica. I don’t have the figure or bouncy personality to warrant his behavior.
    Josh is at least six feet tall, dirty blonde hair, sea blue eyes, a well looked after body, and a face like a damn movie star. He is completely well-rounded, in more ways than one. Then, there is me. I am as average as they come. A little over five feet, a smallish waist, average sized boobs, hair as dark as the night, and green eyes. I just need to throw on a cloak, grab my broom, and I could pull off being a witch. Rolling my eyes at the negativity running through my head, I look up to see Josh’s eyes burning holes in to my soul.
    I am distracted by him. The pull that is growing by the second between us is not one that I am used to. It’s foreign, the feeling of warmth, of being whole. I snap out of the trance that has taken over my body and turn to leave. As I step back, Josh grabs my shoulder and lowers his head to touch mine. I slam my eyelids shut. I cannot let him see the truth buried within my soul.
    “Mel, it was bad judgment on my part. I never should have