Free The Dog that Dumped on my Doona by Barry Jonsberg

counter just as Dyl grabbed a dark snake from its tank and held it up to the light. It wasn’t a huge snake. About half a metre. But it was lively. Its head twisted back and forth looking for something to bite. Dylan’s arm seemed a likely target.
    â€˜That’s a jungle python,’ screamed the Beard. ‘It’ll bite you.’
    â€˜It bites me, I bite it back,’ said Dylan. He would too. I had no idea if the snake was poisonous, but I felt fairly sure Dylan was.
    â€˜Put it down,’ yelled the Beard.
    â€˜Okay,’ said Dylan, dropping the snake onto the floor where it immediately writhed under the row of tanks and disappeared into the darkness.
    â€˜Oh God,’ wailed the Beard, dropping to his knees and peering into the shadows. We left the shop. I was tempted to wait a while. There was an outside chance the snake would latch on to the guy’s nose. Or lose itself in his facial hair. But I was too depressed to bother. This mission had been difficult to start with. Now it was becoming impossible.
    We wandered along the mall. I didn’t have any idea where I was going. I even kept a lookout in case I spotted some guy sitting at an outdoor cafe with God on his lap.
    The mall, however, was God-less.
    But it wasn’t dog-less. Blacky came running up through a crowd of pedestrians. He was panting.
    â€˜I give you a simple job,’ he said. ‘And you blow it. You, tosh, are a complete waste of time and space. Just my luck that of all the people in the world, you are the only one within hundreds of kilometres who can communicate with animals. What are the chances, hey? Of being an animal communicator and a complete dipstick at the same time?’
    It seemed like everyone was having a go at me today and I wasn’t in the mood.
    â€˜Yeah, well,’ I replied. I think I put my hands on my hips. ‘It isn’t my fault he was sold before I could buy him. And I didn’t ask for this job. In fact, I resign. That’s it. Over. Done. Finished. Find someone else to insult.’
    I tried to turn on my heel and walk away, all cool and determined. But Blacky sank his teeth into my shoe. I nearly fell. I tried to wrench my foot away, but the dog had the pulling power of a Falcon ute. I hopped a few paces, but couldn’t get loose.
    â€˜Look, mush,’ said Blacky. ‘You have to do this. You can’t just walk away.’
    He was right there. I couldn’t. It was strange gazing down at the dog’s jaws clamped around my footwear and hearing his voice in my head. I wished he would move his lips when he spoke. It would give me a chance at a getaway. ‘Unless,’ he continued, ‘you really want to be like the rest of your race. Give up. Not your problem. Good on destruction, bad on construction. It’s only a dumb animal, after all. Not worth bothering with.’
    â€˜I know what you’re doing,’ I said. ‘This is just emotional blackmail.’
    â€˜Yeah,’ said Blacky. ‘Is it working?’
    Unfortunately, it was. I was still angry at the unfairness of it all, but I remembered those facts and figures I had looked up on the internet, the information written down in that pamphlet, and I knew I couldn’t leave God to his fate. Not until I had done everything in my power to help.
    â€˜All right, all right,’ I said. ‘Let me go. I’ll try, if for no other reason than it looks like the only way to get rid of you. You will go when all this is over?’
    â€˜I’m not here for your stimulating company,’ said Blacky, releasing my foot. ‘Get this job done and I’m outta here.’
    â€˜Promise?’
    â€˜I swear.’
    â€˜Shake on it?’
    â€˜I told you before. Put one finger near my paw and it’s the last you’ll see of it.’
    â€˜Why do you have to be so horrible to me?’ I said.
    â€˜I don’t have to be,’ he replied. ‘It’s just