Free Ms. LaGrange Is Strange! by Dan Gutman Page B

drop on her head, like in the cartoons?
    â€œThat sounds marvelous!” said Miss Daisy, who loves all of Andrea’s dumb ideas that involve us doing more work.
    We had been learning how to write letters anyway, so Miss Daisy had us all write a letter to Ella Mentry. Writing letters is hard. I didn’t know what to say.
    We had to stand up and read our letters in front of the class. Andrea wrote a letter saying how excited she was that Ella Mentry was coming to visit. She said it must be really neat to have a school named after you, and that we were going to be on our best behavior for her. What a brownnoser!
    I was hoping Miss Daisy would forget to call my name, but she didn’t. So I had to stand up in the front of everybody and read.
    Dear Mrs. Mentry,
    My name is A.J. and I hate school. But I’m glad they named our school after you. Old people always forget things, like their names. But you can never forget your name, because every time you walk by our school, you see it in big letters. When I get old, I hope they name a skate park or a football stadium after me instead of a school. I wouldn’t want my name on a place where kids are tortured all day.
    Sincerely,
A.J.
    P.S.: If you want, when you comevisit I will burp the alphabet for you. Ryan says he can do it, but when he tried, he threw up.
    It was almost three o’clock. Miss Daisy said she would drop our letters off at Ella Mentry’s house after school. Somebody asked if the lunch lady really quit or would she be back tomorrow. Miss Daisy said it was true that Mrs. McGillicuddy was not coming back.
    â€œWhat are we gonna do?” Ryan asked. “If we don’t have a lunch lady, there will be no lunch. You can’t have lunch without a lunch lady. We’ll starve and die!”
    â€œWe’ve got to do something!” saidEmily, and she went running out of the room. Emily is weird.

    â€œOh, don’t worry,” Miss Daisy said. “I hear we’re going to have a very special lunch lady tomorrow.”

3
The New Lunch Lady
    In the morning before school, I filled my backpack with all the stuff I would need during the day—cookies, chips, candy, pretzels, and other junk food. Miss Daisy always says we should be prepared. I wanted to be prepared in case there was no lunch lady. I didn’t want to starve and die.
    It was hard to concentrate all morning when we were doing math and DEAR. That stands for Drop Everything And Read. I was trying to read a book about jet planes, but I couldn’t stop thinking about all the great food I had in my backpack.
    In social studies we started learning about the pyramids and ancient Egypt. Did you know that when people died back then, they would take their brains out through their noses and turn them into mummies? It’s true!
    I was glad I brought stuff from home to eat. Because I’m sure that if I starved and died at school, Andrea would try to takemy brain out through my nose and turn me into a mummy.

    After social studies we started making a big banner for Ella Mentry. It said“Welcome, Ella Mentry,” and we spent the rest of the morning drawing little pictures all over it.
    â€œWhat do you think the new lunch lady will be like?” somebody asked as we worked on the banner.
    â€œI hope she’s nice,” Emily said.
    â€œShe’s got to be nicer than Mrs. McGillicuddy,” Ryan said.
    I wasn’t thinking about the new lunch lady. I kept thinking about those mummies in Egypt. I decided I will never pick my nose again. I don’t want to pull my brain out by accident.
    Finally Miss Daisy sang the cleanup song and said it was time for the cleanestschool in the district to get ready for lunch.
    â€œYay!” everybody yelled.
    We washed our hands and lined up in size order. Then we walked in single file to the vomitorium. Andrea was the line leader. We all walked really fast because we couldn’t wait to meet the new lunch