Free FUSE by Deborah Bladon

street. "I need to get a taxi."
    "Zoe." He's in front of me now, his frame blocking my path. "You can't go. What's going on?"
    I'm panicked. I feel it. I have to get away from him and from this place. "I need to go home, Beck."
    His hands jump to my face and I close my eyes to ward off the vulnerability I'm feeling. I didn't want it to be like this. I have to calm down before I say another word to him.
    "Zoe," he whispers my name against my forehead. "Open your eyes."
    I pull in such a heavy breath that it hurts. I open my eyes slowly to find his brilliant blue irises staring directly into me.
    "Tell me what is going on." He leans back only slightly. I can still smell his skin and almost taste his breath. "You're freaking out. Please tell me why."
    I pull my gaze over his shoulder to the taxis that are racing past us on the street. All I want is to get into one and go home. I don't want to think about bridges and drowning and friendship. I can't.
    I stare at him silently trying to make him see that I can't do this. I can't show him the darkest parts of me on this busy Manhattan sidewalk with the Hudson River just a pathway behind us.
    "You're not going to tell me what's going on, are you?" The resignation that is woven into that question is palpable. It's there in his expression too.
    "I can't," I offer back feeling both foolish and relieved at the same time.
    His hands drop from my face to the front of my coat. He pulls the belt tighter around my waist. "It's getting colder out. Let me take you home."

Chapter 16
    B eck
    My life has been easy for the most part. I don’t have a burden that I carry around with me the way some people do. The way Zoe does. I've never seen such a look of anguish and dread on a person's face before.
    When I first realized she wasn't on the path beside me, I worried, for only a brief moment that she was concerned that I was taking her into a deserted part of the city. I wouldn't blame her for being wary. We've known each other less than a month. My public persona may offer her some reassurance that I'm not a threat to her, but she's right to be careful around me. I'd expect that she would be around any man she'd just met. It's wise.
    When I walked back up to where she was standing near the hot dog vendor I saw something else. She wasn't a woman who wanted to protect herself from potential physical harm by a stranger. It was a woman who wanted to protect herself emotionally. She was on the brink of tears. I was terrified that she might bolt into traffic just to escape the suggestion of going down by the river.
    Her insistence that she take a taxi home alone had stung. I wanted to offer her comfort on the way there. I wanted to reassure her that whatever it was, I could help her. I know that I can. I know that because I want to help her. I want to erase that pain so she can live the life she should be living, free of the baggage that she's obviously carrying around with her.
    I stare at the screen of my smartphone. The unyielding temptation I feel to call her and ask how she is hasn't lessened since I arrived at my studio more than two hours ago.
    I'd thrown my phone on the couch and had started on a new canvas. I needed to express the pain I felt when I looked into her eyes. I had to get it out so it wouldn't fester and control me. I can't repeat what happened with Liz. When she was hurt in the accident, I took that pain on myself. I felt every ache she did. I ignored her tortured cries about losing Mark and had instead bottled up the jealousy within me. It took a toll on me and I know now, it's the main reason I fell into Alexa's arms. I needed comfort and she was there to offer it.
    She was filling a void that only I could fill. I tried to replace the love that I wasn't getting in return from Liz by sleeping with Alexa. I used her. I hadn't realized it at the time. I see it very clearly now.
    I scrub my hand over my forehead before I pick my phone back up. I race my thumb over the screen and stare