Free Eyes in the Mirror by Julia Mayer Page B

exactly like her, plus or minus the color of the velour.
    I couldn’t believe I had pulled it off. I’d had practice pretending to be a happy-go-lucky girl, but never like this. But that girl had no idea that I wasn’t Dee; as far as she was concerned, I was the one who’d edited those stories or poems or whatever was on that CD I’d given her.
    I looked up at the clock behind the entrance and realized that it was time for my first check-in with the real Dee. I slipped into a bathroom stall and pulled out a hand mirror. Hopefully anyone who overheard would just think I was talking on my phone. When I looked in the mirror, Dee was already there.
    â€œWhat are these about, Samara?” she asked, pulling back my sleeves. She had found the cuts. I had been so wrapped up in thinking about myself being Dee, looking like her, acting like her, that I’d forgotten that she had become me too.
    â€œWhat are these? How long have you been doing this? Ever since we’ve been friends? Since before that? I can’t believe you kept this from me.”
    â€œIt’s…” I sputtered, and Dee finally made eye contact with me. What was I going to say it was—a hobby? “It’s an addiction. I couldn’t help it. It started a long time ago. And once I started…”
    Dee sounded angry, but her eyes looked like she had been crying. “You know what, Samara? I can’t deal with this right now. We have to keep pretending to be each other. We can talk about this when we both get home tonight, okay? But, well, no, never mind. Tonight.”
    I nodded, too stunned and ashamed to say anything. I noticed that Dee had changed how I wore my hair. She always wore hers in curls, and today mine was down and curly too. It fell better on her than it ever had on me. She had forgotten to put on my makeup too. Before I could ask her about it, she had put away the pocket mirror and my real reflection, two-dimensional and with empty eyes, was back.
    â€œShit.”
    ***
    I got full force into Dee’s life as soon as I started going to her classes. School was almost fun when so many people wanted to sit with me and talk to me. I followed Dee’s instructions and sat in the third row, second seat from the left in every class.
    A girl I didn’t know sat down next to me in the first class. “Hey,” she said.
    I smiled. “Hi. How ya doin’?” I asked, finding it easier to ask the questions than to answer them.
    â€œGood. Lot of work last night so I’m, ugh…” she leaned her head back, “…exhausted. I don’t know how you do lit mag too.”
    â€œIt’s not so bad,” I said, really meaning it. Being Dee wasn’t bad at all.
    I raised my hand in two of my morning classes, which I would never have done in my own school. And another two times, I got called on out of nowhere. I didn’t flinch. I answered.
    I checked in with Dee again before lunch. “I just realized what I forgot,” she said, and I could hear the urgency in her voice.
    â€œWhat? What is it?” I asked. But she was cut off. I guess someone else was coming because she disappeared and was replaced by the girl with empty eyes looking back at me. I sighed and went into the lunchroom. I was really curious what Dee had forgotten, but I was feeling great and figured I would be able to handle it, whatever it was. I was Dee.
    I turned and was on my way into the cafeteria when Kelly, the girl in the pink tracksuit, called me over to tell me Jamie was looking for me. I began looking around for him, but then I felt a hand on my back and someone whispered, “Follow me.” I followed Jamie out one of the back doors of the school. We walked without talking but I was so grateful to be with someone who knew who I was that I appreciated the break from thinking about who I wasn’t.
    He was attractive, but in a quiet way. Some people are attractive in that way