Free Armageddon Outta Here - The World of Skulduggery Pleasant by Derek Landy

goblin, that’s disturbed. Bring the kids out, right now, or I walk away with the gold.”
    The goblin growled in displeasure. “Colm,” he said, “Fintan, bring them out.”
    From behind him, two more goblins emerged. Valkyrie was amazed to realise that the first goblin was the handsome one of the family. His brothers wore rags, torn and dirty, and they carried the babies between them. The babies had dummies jammed in their mouths.
    “See?” the first goblin said. “Alive, uneaten, and not chopped or anything. Now, the gold.”
    Valkyrie reached into her coat and brought out a bag that jangled in her grip.
    The goblins stared at the bag, practically drooling.
    “Put the kids down,” she said. “Just place them on the ground over here, very gently, and step away. Then I’ll give you the gold and we’ll say goodbye.”
    One of the goblins, she didn’t know which one he was, so she decided that he should be Colm, grunted. “How do we know there’s gold in that bag?”
    “Because I tell you there is.”
    “We don’t know you. Liam, we can’t trust this girl.”
    The first goblin, Liam, scratched his belly. “We were expecting the skeleton. Where is he?”
    “He couldn’t make it.”
    “He sent you instead?”
    “Yes, he did,” said Valkyrie
    “You’re his assistant, then?”
    “Partner.”
    “You’re a child.”
    “You’re a goblin.”
    “Only on the outside.”
    “And on the inside you steal babies. Looks
and
personality.”
    “I don’t like you.”
    “You just have to get to know me,” she said. “Are we going to stand around talking all night, or are we going to do this ransom thing?”
    “The skeleton should be here,” the third goblin, Fintan, mumbled.
    “Shut up,” Liam barked. “We’ll settle that later. Right now, give her the brats. I want to see that gold.”
    Colm and Fintan walked forward, bringing with them an interesting aroma of dried sweat and boiled cabbage. They put the babies on the ground, close to Valkyrie, and the babies gurgled and made baby noises.
    The goblins stepped back, rejoined their brother.
    “Now,” Liam said with a snaggle-toothed smile, “give us our payment.”
    “And then you’ll let us go?”
    “Of course.”
    “Why don’t I believe you?”
    Liam shrugged. “A deal’s a deal – we held up our part, now you have to do the same.”
    If things turned nasty, Valkyrie would only be able to scoop up one of the kids before the goblins were on her. The goblins didn’t look very fast, so she’d probably be able to beat them to the door, but it would mean leaving two babies here. She didn’t see any alternative, however, and the goblins’ patience was running out.
    She tossed the bag, and Liam caught it and yanked open the drawstring. He let the gold coins spill out into his hand.
    Fintan licked his lips. “They real? Liam, they real?”
    Liam put one of the coins in his mouth and sucked on it a moment, then reached his grimy fingers between his lips to retrieve it. “It’s gold,” he said happily. His wide eyes glinted.
    “Pleasure doing business,” Valkyrie said, hunkering down to the kids.
    “You’re not leaving,” said Liam.
    Valkyrie sighed. “Is this a double-cross?”
    “That’s what this is. It’d be better if the skeleton was here instead of you, but when we send him your head, wrapped up in a pretty bow, he’ll come looking for us and we’ll get him then.”
    “You have issues with Skulduggery?”
    “We hate him,” Fintan snarled. “He’s the one responsible for turning us into creatures of slime and bad breath.”
    “I see,” said Valkyrie. “Before you kill me, can I ask you a question?”
    Liam laughed. “Go ahead.”
    “Thank you. My question is, what makes you think I came alone?”
    Liam’s smile faded. “What?”
    “You know Skulduggery, right? You’ve gone up against him before. You know how smart he is.”
    “Not
that
smart,” Colm grumbled.
    “And he knows you,” Valkyrie continued. “He