Free Colors by Russell J. Sanders

laboriously chew and chew a bite that is long past swallow-worthy, giving myself time to think.
    Of course, I did make it through that second time, even though the colors bothered me a little. But what would happen if I did freeze up? How embarrassing would that be?
    What am I thinking? Embarrassing? It’s not about embarrassment. Those colors brought back too many memories. Of his hands. His mouth. His hugs.
    I feel the creeping spiders. I don’t think I can put myself through that again, not for a whole concert.
    I swallow, then take a gulp of tea to wash it down.
    “Neil?” Melissa’s impatience with me is growing.
    Then again, it is a great chance to perform. And for a huge audience. Can I get through it?
    “So-o-o-o….” Her annoyance draws the word out, giving me a moment to swallow once again. “What do you think?” Melissa screams, exasperation boiling over and spilling from her. “Do you want to do it or not?”
    “You’d be a fool not to,” Zane says.
    I don’t want to say no. This is a full concert we’re talking about.
    I look at Zane. His eyes say, Go for it; if you don’t, you’re a fool.
    I turn to Melissa. She’s not happy I’ve looked to Zane for my answer.
    “Absolutely.” My stomach flips as I speak, despite the support Zane has given me.
    That’s the answer Melissa hoped for, I see. She bubbles. “Then we need to start working on a program. I’ll start looking for songs, and you think of some too.” Melissa jumps up from the table. “I’ve got to go, or those people in the office are going to kill me.” She plants a kiss on my unsuspecting lips, then turns and runs from the courtyard.
    “What an opportunity—you guys rock.” There’s a change in his voice. He’s not sounding as supportive as before. A tiny sad twinge overtakes his lips. But it vanishes, and Zane gives me a high five. I like it. First time. High fives are a guy thing. Never had a guy friend. Do now. Wow.
    Zane gathers up his garbage, gets up and tosses it in the can, then returns to straddle the bench across the table from me, that curl bouncing as he sits.
    “Now,” Zane’s voice is businesslike, “what songs do you plan to do? You could do an all Broadway thing.” He holds up his arms, gesturing a marquee. “ Broadway Worships . What a concept.”
    “That’s a little over the top, don’t you think?” I sop a piece of bread in my remaining spaghetti sauce. “These people are a bunch of amen-sayers. Besides, I don’t think there are a lot of musicals about religion, are there?”
    “Well, there’s Godspell and Jesus Christ, Superstar . And there are other shows that have inspirational songs in them.”
    “It does sound like a good idea. Not a whole program of Broadway songs, but we could include some. What do you suggest?”
    “Let’s see. You could open with ‘Prepare Ye’ from Godspell , then segue into ‘Day by Day.’ And Melissa could solo on ‘I Don’t Know How to Love Him.’ There is a fantastic song in Spring Awakening called ‘I Believe.’” Zane begins to sing a soft rock melody with the words “I believe” over and over. “And then, of course, there is always ‘Climb Every Mountain’ from Sound of Music .”
    “I like the Godspell idea, and the Superstar number fits Melissa. And that ‘I Believe’ song sounds tailor-made for us. But instead of ‘Mountain,’ what about ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’ from Carousel ? I like that number better, and it brings back good memories. And it would be a dynamite finale to our show.”
    “You’re right. Socko, boffo. Okay, that’s four numbers. What else can you do?”
    “When Melissa and I were rehearsing last week, we warmed up with a few hymns. Our harmony was perfect. Melissa loves doing hymns. It’s in her blood, I guess. I would be willing to bet she will want to do a hymn medley. And there’s Miriam Railston. Melissa loves Miriam Railston,” I say, my enthusiasm growing. “I’m sure she’ll want to do one