Free Syrup by Maxx Barry

I almost hit the ceiling. Before I can recover, 6 is in my face, holding me by my lapels. Despite myself, I’m stunned by her proximity. I’m undone by the spice of her breath.
    “You’re talented, okay?” She actually looks angry. “You have real genius. I’ve never said that to anyone before.” Her huge black eyes drill me. “You might be the best marketer I’ve ever met.”
    She kisses me.

the kiss
    Hard. Fast. Devastating.

faith
    6 breaks away, and I gasp for air. White spots come over and peer into my eyes to make sure I’m okay. My nerves leap around, saying, “What the fuck was that?” and for a second I’m sure 6 has taken the opportunity to punch me hard in the guts. When she starts the elevator again, I have to grab the wall to avoid falling to the floor.
    The doors slide open but 6 doesn’t move. She just says, “We can do this, Scat. We are going to do this.”
    I believe her.

the last stand
    Three million-dollar ideas per year. Three.
    I don’t even switch on the computer. I search through the desk drawers until I find a sheaf of paper and a pen, and I start writing.
    I write copy. I draw pictures. I write TV-spot scripts. I don’t review anything, I don’t edit anything, and I don’t throw anything in the trash. I just churn through page after page, and I don’t stop.
    Three million-dollar ideas per year.
    When 6 delivers my cucumber sandwiches at noon, I don’t have time to talk to her; I just take the food with my left hand and keep writing with my right. 6 watches me for a moment, then withdraws.
    I go nonstop until 4:30, when 6 visits me again. She looks as nervous as I’ve ever seen her. “Scat, it’s time. Whatever you’ve got, we need it now.”
    I take a long, slow breath and flip to the start of my pad.
    And I start reviewing.

why “calvin and hobbes” is so funny
    “Calvin and Hobbes” is my favorite comic strip in the world.
    I’m a bit of a fan of “Robotman,” too, and I can’t go past a “Dilbert,” but neither of them can really match it with “Calvin and Hobbes.” Because “Calvin and Hobbes” is true.
    The strip has a great range, but my favorites are the cutting insights into the marketing industry and America’s marketing culture. Bill Watterson, the creator of “Calvin and Hobbes,” hates marketing. You don’t need any more proof of this than the fact that he’s never allowed any “Calvin and Hobbes” merchandise: no coffee cups, no lunch boxes, no T-shirts. He’s deliberately turned his back on the opportunity to make a great deal of money in order to preserve the integrity of his strip. Now that’s impressive.
    Bill was also known for taking frequent sabbaticals from his work. It’s difficult for a cartoonist with commitments to the daily papers to take a break, because the strip risks losing its spot in the papers, but Bill did it again and again.
    I’m guessing, but I think Bill did it to keep his art honest. I think Bill couldn’t stand the idea of having to submit a strip he’s not completely happy with just to meet a deadline.
    Because, sometimes, you just can’t force it.

strike two
    “Well?” 6 asks. Her voice is tight and strained. I look up and see her face is ashen.
    “It’s crap,” I say dully. “It’s all crap.”
    The word crap hangs in the air between us for a few seconds. 6 stares at me as if I have betrayed her.
    “No,” she says. “There must be something. There must—”
    “6—” I throw the pad with all its pathetic ideas onto the desk with disgust. “I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t do it.”
    6 hangs her head.
    “I’m sorry,” I say.
    She looks up at me, and her face is absolutely white. “I need to make a call.” She reaches over my desk and picks up the phone, dialing an extension from memory. She waits for a long time before speaking, so I guess she’s got voice mail. “Mr. Jamieson, this is 6 at four-forty-five on Friday the Twenty-eighth. I would like to tender my resignation from