Free No-One Ever Has Sex On A Tuesday: A Very Funny Romantic Novel by Tracy Bloom

hours later after he had obviously given it some deep thought. He came up to her office, shut the door behind him and told her that, after some consideration, he thought her only option was to forget Matthew. Bury him deep in a place in her mind she rarely visited and focus on being the best mum she could and help Ben to be the “Dad of the Century.” Then he got up and left the room with Katy having said nothing. It was the only time Katy could remember Daniel being one hundred percent serious and it had scared her. If Daniel took this seriously then there was no denying the situation was indeed serious.
    “What can I get you to drink Louise?” asked Daniel, still staring at Katy.
    “White wine and lemonade please,” replied Louise.
    Daniel visibly shuddered at the prospect of having to ask the cute barman for such a concoction.
    “Come to the bar,” said Daniel to Katy, already taking her arm to avoid a refusal.
    “What the hell,” he spluttered as soon as they were out of earshot. “Is that the Matthew I think it is? I thought he had been confined to the back and beyond of your life?”
    “I haven’t had a chance to tell you yet. He turned up at my antenatal class last night. He’s moved back up here,” she hissed back.
    “What the hell was he doing at your antenatal class?”
    “His wife is pregnant stupid. Why else would he be there?” she said hysterically.
    “You have got to be kidding me. You mean he’s having a baby with his wife and he could also be having a baby with you at the same time?” said Daniel, stopping in his tracks.
    “We don’t know if my baby is his. I did only sleep with him once. We’ve been over this remember?” she said firmly.
    “I know, I know. But now that he’s back in your life, that’s different isn’t it? What are you going to do?”
    “Well,” she said, trying to calm down. “This can’t change anything can it? You were right the first time. I still have to ignore what happened. Even more so now his wife is pregnant. I have to assume it’s not his.”
    “But he’s already called you,” said Daniel. “He could be enquiring whether you have a good recommendation for babysitters of course but I somehow doubt it. Do you think he suspects anything?”
    “Well we all had to say when our babies were due…”
    “Oh that is just too weird,” interrupted Daniel. “Imagine being in a room and knowing when the last time everyone had sex was,” mused Daniel.
    “Why would it be the last time?” asked Katy.
    “Oh come on, you heteros only ever have sex over the age of thirty to procreate. The reason why pregnant women look so serene is because they have been relieved of their carnal duties. So what did Matthew do when you gave your date?”
    “He went white and walked out and he didn’t come back.”
    “He suspects it could be his then, definitely?” pressed Daniel.
    “I guess so.”
    “So?” he asked.
    “So what?”
    “What the hell are you going to do?”
    “I have no idea,” said Katy starting to panic again. She looked around the room desperately, hoping the answer might leap out at her only to catch sight of her two naked bodies on public display.
    “This is not how it’s supposed to be happening,” she turned to Daniel angrily.
    “Hey girl, no need to take it out on me,” said Daniel. “Let’s all just keep calm shall we? You’re absolutely right. This doesn’t change a thing. The plan remains, especially now you know that his wife is pregnant. Matthew is history; Ben is the father, get on with it. You just need to tell Matthew that. Then everything will be fine. You’ll see.”

Chapter 8
    Katy dropped a pound coin in the hat of a homeless guy begging outside the pub. For luck, she thought, in the absence of a wishing well. She pushed open the door and immediately knew there was no way she would be seen here by anybody she knew. She noticed with relief the gaudy torn wallpaper that perfectly complemented the mismatched furniture