Free The Clue of the Linoleum Lederhosen by M.T. Anderson Page B

band began playing and a singer swept out onstage in a beautiful silk gown, a marcel wave in her hair, and grasped the microphone.
    Rick smiled at Katie and walked off.
    â€œI know I heard him,” said Katie.
    â€œOr someone who sounded like him,” said one of the Twins sharply.
    â€œOkay, I’m going under the table now,” saidthe other Twin, “and I’m only coming up when there’s more normalness to breathe.”
    Lily still held Katie’s hand. “I believe you,” she said. Katie blinked back tears, looking at her old friend, faithful even now.
    In between blinks, she saw the Twins disappear.
    Katie said, “I swore I wasn’t going to solve any mysteries this weekend.”
    â€œDon’t worry,” said Lily, determined. “We’ll figure it out.”
    â€œI don’t want to figure it out.” Katie’s voice was high and wiry, and filled with tears. “I dressed up specially for tonight.”
    â€œYou look really nice,” said Lily.
    â€œThanks,” said Katie, but she didn’t really mean it, because she didn’t feel very pretty right then.
    â€œKatie,” urged Lily, and she didn’t need to say anything else.
    Katie wiped at her eyes.
    At a nearby table, Rick stretched himselfand lit a cigar. The Dix-Chords blared the introduction to some song.
    Outside, the sun was going down, and Katie and Lily sat miserably alone at their table while the Cutesy Dell Twins crawled toward the water polo team’s feed trough. The setting sun cast great corridors of light through the mountains and the windows, and the brass flashed up onstage, and the beautiful singer began, to the tinkling of the piano:
    â€œThey say the earth has oxygen
Enough for twenty billion men
And for their twenty billion gals
And assorted pets and pals.
    â€œBut, dear, though there is always air
—
Whenever you are standing there
About to close me in your grasp
All I do is swoon and gasp …
Because…
    â€œI’m brrrreathless whenever you’re near…”
    The band picked up the pace. People got up to dance. Katie heard a hideous high-pitched shrieking noise and looked over. Dr. Schmeltzer was dancing with Mrs. Mandrake. He screamed the whole time to echolocate other couples. His mouth was big and oval and ugly, but he actually was pretty good at the fox-trot.
    â€œMy knees get weak
My elbows creak
I tremble as in fear.
I get all shy
Though you’re my guy
I’m breathless whenever you’re near.”
    People, unsettled by Katie’s accusation, still stared over at their table.
    â€œI wish Jasper were here,” muttered Katie.

Breathless, Jasper lay on the mountainside, held up by a sapling, tied to a chair, choking, with a venomous snake coiled on his back.
    His breathing had been whittled down almost to nothing—a tiny screeching whistle.
    That high, faint whistle was all that stood between him and death.
    His muscles were sore from holding himself still all day. Rocks had dug into his arms and hands. He trembled with exhaustion.
    Soon,
he thought,
by Jupiter… soon …
    The sun was going down over the mountains. Ten minutes more, maybe, and the snake would wake up. Ten minutes more, and it would slither home, and Jasper could start to work offthe ropes, rip off the tape, and then … Almost with tears, he thought of the glory, the freedom, the splendor, of picking his nose.
    He thought of this, lying prone, looking up at the ruddy sunlight falling on the mountain. Only ten more minutes.
    But then, with a small
tic,
the last passage into Jasper’s nostril sealed up.
    Jasper Dash was entombed in his own mucus.
    He struggled without moving his body. The silver tape heaved around his mouth. His head lifted and dropped.
    He couldn’t believe it—only a few minutes more—and now—his lungs—they felt so hideously empty …

“My throat gets frogged
    My nose gets clogged
    My