Free Divergent Parody: Avirgent by Maurice Hill, Michelle Hunt

this all the time. Guy thinks he's under-appreciated, he goes after the biggest cat, thinking he's freakin' Indiana Jones or some shit. Difference with him and Jones, Jones had hands. This kid...” He shook his head.
    Christine looked at him. “Doesn't have hands?”
    “Nope. Not at all. I can tell. When he and Limp were roughing me up-well mostly Limp-it was like feeling a slice of Virginia Ham slap against my face. He was like a windmill this kid, but a floppy, flaccid wind mill. Not erect and-”
     Christine sighed. “We get it Al. You love to use innuendos.”
    Al smirked. “Well, whatever to make the ladies laugh and have a good time.”
     I wasn't having a good time. Especially knowing that I was going to witness a murder yet again...just a few hours away from witnessing a murder I'd be an accomplice to.
     Steven poked him hard and Limp burst into laughter, holding his sides.
    “Listen here, bucko! I'm not going to let you go around doing whatever you want! I'm a man too! I've taken boxing lessons!”
    “By who? Your little sister?” said Lisa.
    We all chuckled, and that made Steven's face a big balloon of red. He looked back down at Lisa and pointed in her face. “What the Hell's wrong with you? Aren't you on my side? I thought we were friends. I shared you my world!”
     Lisa nodded dully. “Yeah I know, and your world is boring. Your Mom, your Dad, your retarded Dog, and your porn obsession. You got nothing going for you, so you decided to rig the results and join Tricker to make your boring Honest faction proud. Oh boo, hoo, hoo! Enjoy getting your teeth knocked out ya cry-baby!”
     “Oooh! Violation!” yelled Al. That got Christine to LOL. I didn't know what violation meant...but I knew at least that word must be bad.
    TB4 looked between them confusingly. “Is this true? You had the results rigged?”
    Steven looked around at all of us, and at the floor.
    “Look into my face you little shit,” said TB4, more menacingly. “Did you have the results rigged?!”
    Steven shook, and shivered as if he were in the middle of a storm, and he might as well had been. He was in the middle of two huge storms. One named Limp and the other TB4.
    “I-I-I....I mean Dammit! Does it matter? You let this freakin monster kill my friend!”
    He started tearing up, and I felt about one percent sorry for him. I didn't get to know him, so I didn't really care.
     TB4 said, “Hey, I get it. Your friend died, but there's nothing I can do. Once the kids are in, they're in. I can't do anything about it.”
    “Bullshit!” he yelled. “You just don't want to you selfish asshole! Do you have to be such an atypical douchnozzle?!” He balled his fists up. “But I don't blame you. The only one to blame is Limp Ussy.” He raised his fists, and Limp laughed louder.
     TB4 tried to reason with him. “Back down kid. Just back down. In the fights, I can stop it. Here, you're on your own. Think about this-”
     
    Steven flew a fist into Limp's face, but it didn't hurt Limp, it hurt Steven, who threw his hands back and massaged them.
    “Ow, ow, ow. What are you man, the Termi-”
    Limp punched Steven in the face repeatedly. Left, right,left as TB4 backed away and we all stood there watching the massacre before our eyes. Limp delivered one last punch and raised his blood-soaked fists in the air.
    “Yeeeeaaah!”
     He walked through the entrance doors and into the dawn.
    Steven's face looked like nothing but chewed up meat. It was like he didn't have a face anymore. Oh well, he didn't look very good anyway. He had inferior genes.
    Hailey came just in the nick of time. “I have the mop!”
    “Good, clean this up, and we'll be on our way,” said TB4. He sighed and crossed his arms.
     Al took his arms away and looked down at Steven and back at us. “Yup. It always looks like this when the big Cat teaches the small rat a lesson. Well, teaches us one considering the guy never comes back.” He sighed. “This one ain't