Free To the Devil - a Diva! by Paul Magrs

I’m sure we’ll all be tuning in for that. Even if it has gone right downhill.’
    Brenda was primping her lipstick with one lilac fingernail. ‘The show’s been in some trouble, hasn’t it? The ratings havebeen falling off. You’re coming in to spice things back up really, aren’t you?’
    Now Karla was on familiar ground. ‘I always spice things up.’
    â€˜It’s hardly as if Menswear needs any spicing,’ the pillock said. ‘It’s drawn more complaints – hasn’t it? – than any TV show in history.’
    Karla shrugged. ‘I like to be where the action is.’
    Brenda smiled. She was noting the floor manager doing the wind-up gesture behind camera one. ‘Well, we know that’s true.’
    â€˜One more question,’ the pillock butted in. ‘It’s a racy show. Will you be doing full frontal?’
    â€˜I beg your …’
    â€˜We know you’re not averse to splashing your bosoms over the papers, but will you go the whole hog?’
    â€˜I don’t really see …’ Karla looked to Brenda for help.
    â€˜It’s a valid question,’ shrugged Brenda.
    â€˜It’s a raunchy show,’ the pillock said. ‘Just how raunchy do they want you to be?’
    â€˜I’ve had no discussions yet …’
    â€˜Breasts? Fully nude? Full-on sex?’
    â€˜I—’ Karla gaped at the pillock.
    â€˜Beaver?’
    â€˜Karla Sorenson,’ said Brenda, ‘thank you very much for joining us on the sofa for coffee this Brunchtime.’
    Karla sagged back. ‘That’s quite all right.’
    Then the pillock seemed fired by further inspiration. ‘Wait a minute. Menswear – that’s Lance Randall’s show, isn’t it?’
    His wife was glaring at him. ‘You know it is. Lance hasbeen on here talking about it. Why?’ She slapped his knee affectionately. They knew the viewers loved that. A hairs-breadth from a spat.
    â€˜Lance Randall is the son of the late, great Sammi Randall, isn’t he?’ said the pillocky husband. ‘And she was your co-star , wasn’t she, Karla?’
    â€˜Ha!’ said Brenda. ‘See? He said he was a real fan.’
    â€˜Hm,’ said Karla. ‘A fan indeed. And yes, Mr Randall’s late lamented mother was my co-star in ‘Carnival of Flesh’ and numerous other movies. She was very well known to me.’
    â€˜I’ll say she was!’ mugged the pillock. ‘That ‘Carnival of Flesh’ was like my whole education in … in …’
    â€˜Yes?’ asked Karla, and batted her eyelashes.
    â€˜Well, everything,’ he finished lamely.
    His wife punched his knee again. He was quite deflated.
    â€˜I’m sure it will be very nice for you,’ Brenda said. ‘And a vast, huge success. It will be lovely to see you working again.’
    â€˜Thank you,’ said Karla. ‘I’m sure I will be fantastic.’
    â€˜Let’s go to that break now. Late, but who’s perfect?’
    Â 
    Karla caught up with Brenda again in reception.
    â€˜What did you mean, you know what I really am?’
    Brenda snatched her elbow away and her face was white with fury.
    â€˜Get your filthy frigging hands off me,’ she hissed. Her eyes were blazing. ‘Don’t touch me – you succubus … you incubus …’
    â€˜You what?’
    â€˜You fucking … devil woman!’

T HREE
    Having got rid of Dennis the milkman at last, Lance went into his spare bedroom and worked off some of his tension chucking empty wine bottles four storeys down into the alley below. He did this quite a lot. No one had complained yet about an alleyway full of broken glass. It was an alley that went between the back doors of pubs and clubs, the village taxi firm and a kebab shop. Maybe they thought it was normal. This morning, though, all the crashing and tinkling