Free Teaching the Dog to Read by Jonathan Carroll

she believed was the love of her life, she was to call a special telephone number Alice gave her. Only once in her life could she make the call, so she’d better be sure of her choice. Because if she chose wrong, she would be cursed with this man’s company for all of her lives to come. Lena chose you, Tony.”
    Tony Night sat up straighter in his chair, pleased and proud, while at the same time he got the feeling there was more to this story and from Dave’s tone of voice, it wasn’t all good.
    “When she finally made that call, Alice told her to draw a portrait of you from her heart and soul. If she did it right, that would seal you two together forever. If she thought you were perfect as you were, then she was to draw that Tony. But if there were things she wanted changed about you or your personality, little adjustments here and there, she was to include those too.
    “She had to draw as many pictures as was necessary to capture her essential vision of you, and Alice said it might take her a long time. But it didn’t, as you can see. Lena’s heart knew exactly the Anthony Areal she wanted and that’s the version of you alive in the other room now.”
    Almost as soon as Dave finished speaking, Gorbog disappeared.
    Dave glanced to where the man had been sitting but then went back to eating. The others stared fearfully at Gorbog’s empty chair and at Big Dave enjoying his sandwich.
    “What the hell was that ? Where did he go?” The last bit of meat Gorbog was eating had dropped to the floor when he evaporated. Len Fischman pointed to it with his foot.
    Dave said “He’s not part of the Anthony Areal Lena wants in her life so he’s no longer needed.
    “Sorry to say neither are you, Leonard; she doesn’t like sleazy guys. But without you Mr. Lady’s Man and your vast knowledge of women somewhere in his genes, Tony here would never have succeeded with Lena. That whole bit when he asked her to go dancing on their first date? Genius! All that was pure Leonard Fischman. So that’s your legacy and you should be proud of it. But I would suggest finishing your sandwich soon because I don’t know how long you’ve got.” Dave turned to the Tonys. “You two guys are safe because you’re obviously an integral part of the Anthony Areal she loves. But you’re her base model Tony—like when you buy a new car? The final Tony Areal she drew began with you two, but then she added all kinds of extras she wanted in her partner. It will be interesting to see how that works out.”
    Dave chuckled in admiration. “Alice and her experiments. For as long as I’ve worked for her I never cease to be amazed at both her imagination and willingness to try different things . She’s like a master chef in a great restaurant—always experimenting, always combining strange and even impossible things to see how they’ll work together. She’s indefatigable. She let you guys trade places like you did. That’s never been done before. She let a once-suicidal woman draw her perfect partner… You should see that final drawing Lena did—it’s as far from realism as you can imagine. I was shocked by it, but Alice wasn’t. And the wonderful thing is she has no idea how these experiments will work out. Alice never interferes once she’s set things in motion. You and Lena meeting and hooking up? Alice had nothing to do with that.”
    Len Fischman asked angrily, “Did she have anything to do with killing us? Did she crash that truck into us that day?”
    “No, that’s not how she works. The driver of that truck should have had the brakes inspected months before the accident but he was poor and couldn’t afford any kind of repair so he kept putting it off.”
    Tony Day couldn’t help asking, “Are we talking about the Alice from my dream?”
    A chilling thought came to Len Fischman, “Or my fiancée Alice?”
    “No boys, she’s neither. The Alice I work for has fun sometimes inserting little bits of herself into peoples’ lives