Free Miss Laney Is Zany! by Dan Gutman Page A

graders started crying.
    It was the saddest day in the history of the world.

2
The Mystery of the Girls’ Bathroom
    When we got back to our classroom, two big guys wearing overalls were carrying out Mr. Granite’s desk.
    “Hey, what are you doing?” Mr. Granite shouted.
    “Sorry, bud,” one of the guys said. “Budget cuts.”
    Mr. Granite was mad because he didn’thave a desk anymore. But he still had to teach us math. I raised my hand to ask a question, and Mr. Granite said it had to be about math.

    “How many dollars is a million?” I asked.
    “Well, let’s say you have one dollar,” Mr. Granite told me, “and then you get a million more dollars. Then you’d have a million dollars.”
    That made sense.
    “No you wouldn’t,” said Andrea. “You’d have a million and one dollars.”
    Andrea had a big smile on her face, like she was all proud of herself. Why can’t a million dollars fall on her head? A million dollars in coins .
    We were all sad about the school closing down. Mr. Granite wasn’t in the mood to teach, and nobody was in the mood tolearn anything. Not even Andrea.
    Luckily, we have art class on Mondays. We walked a million hundred miles to the art room. Ms. Hannah, the art teacher, was cutting a piece of cardboard into a bunch of tiny little squares.
    “What are we doing in art today?” asked Emily.
    “Because of the budget cuts, I can only use one sheet of cardboard for the whole class,” said Ms. Hannah. “So today we’re going to make postage stamps.”
    “Postage stamps?” we all asked.
    “We all have to do our part to save money,” she said.
    I made a little frowny face on my stamp,and there wasn’t room to draw anything else. Making postage stamps in art class is lame.
    When we got back to Mr. Granite’s room, Mrs. Patty made an announcement over the loudspeaker.
    “A.J., please report to the girls’ bathroom.”
    What?! I thought I was gonna die.
    Ryan, Michael, and Neil thought it was hilarious. They were falling off their chairs.
    “A.J. has to go to the girls’ bathroom,” Michael said. “He must be a girl!”
    “There must be some mistake,” Mr. Granite said.
    “I’m not going to the girls’ bathroom,” I announced. “What if there are girls in there?”
    “Of course there will be girls in there,” Andrea said. “It’s the girls’—”
    She didn’t have the chance to finish her sentence because Mrs. Patty made another announcement.
    “Ryan, please report to the girls’ bathroom.”
    What?!
    “I’m not going to—”
    Ryan didn’t have the chance to finish his sentence because Mrs. Patty made another announcement.
    “Andrea, please report to the girls’bathroom.”
    What?!
    And then Mrs. Patty made another announcement.
    “Emily, please report to the girls’ bathroom.”
    “I guess the four of you should go to the girls’ bathroom,” Mr. Granite told us.
    He gave me, Ryan, Andrea, and Emily passes; and we walked down the hall to the girls’ bathroom.
    “You open the door,” I told Andrea. “You’re a girl.”
    Andrea put her hand on the doorknob.
    Andrea turned the doorknob.
    She pulled open the door.

    And you’ll never believe in a million hundred years what we saw in there.
    I’m not gonna tell you.
    Okay, okay, I’ll tell you. But you have to read the next chapter first. So nah-nah-nah boo-boo on you!

3
Miss Laney Is Weird
    In the middle of the girls’ bathroom was a lady with dark hair. She was sitting behind a desk—Mr. Granite’s desk.
    “Come on in!” the lady said excitedly. She sounded like one of those game show hosts on TV.
    “Who are you?” asked Andrea.

    “I’m Miss Laney, the new speech teacher,” the lady said. “I’m soooooo glad you could join me today!”
    Miss Laney is way too enthusiastic about stuff.
    I always wondered what was in the girls’ bathroom. I looked around. There were three stalls against the wall but no urinals. On the walls were a bunch of posters with pictures of TV