Free Killing Cupid (A Jaine Austen Mystery) by Laura Levine Page A

cowering amid the dust bunnies, breathing in the heady aroma of Joy’s foot funk, when the door banged open.
    “Joy, honey!” Tonio was wailing. “I can explain everything.”
    “Forget it, Tonio,” I heard Joy snarl in reply. “I know what you did, and I’m turning you in to the authorities.”
    “But, sugarplum!”
    “Don’t sugarplum me, you low-life greaseball!”
    As I listened avidly to this heated exchange, wondering what on earth Tonio had done to stir up Joy’s wrath, I suddenly felt my nose begin to itch. Oh, hell. I was going to sneeze!
    Damn those dust bunnies!
    Quickly I pressed my finger under my nose, trying desperately to stem the explosion that was building up inside.
    “Can’t we please just talk this over?” Tonio pleaded.
    “Too late. We’re through. Finito. You’ll never go shopping at Barneys again!”
    “But, Joy—”
    “I can’t waste any more time talking about this. I’ve got to get back to the party.”
    Yes! Go! Go back to the party!
    I waited for the sounds of her designer-clad feet stomping out the door, but I waited in vain.
    “No, wait,” she was saying. “I need an aspirin.”
    An aspirin? Couldn’t she just suffer like everyone around her?
    “Dealing with all those pathetic losers out there has given me a splitting headache.”
    Then before I knew it, she was sitting at her desk, her Jimmy Choos just inches from my torturously itchy nose.
    Please, Lord. Don’t let her look down and see me!
    I sat there, crunched in a ball and staring at Joy’s toe cleavage as she rummaged around, slamming desk drawers, looking for her dratted aspirin.
    By now the itch in my nose was unbearable.
    Any minute now I’d be sneezing on her Jimmy Choos!
    “Oh, here it is!” she finally said, music to my ears.
    Rattling her aspirin bottle, she got up and headed for the door, but not before grabbing a Godiva for the road.
    “Thank God for chocolate,” I heard her mutter, her mouth full of candy. “That’s one thing I can always count on.”
    “But, honey bun,” Tonio cooed, “you know you can always count on me, too.”
    “Don’t make me laugh.” Joy snorted.
    And off she stomped, Tonio at her heels, begging for another chance to talk things over.
    Finally, I was alone. Just me, the dust bunnies, and Joy’s stinky slippers.
    I took my finger out from under my nose, prepared to let loose with a Vesuvius-sized explosion.
    But wouldn’t you know?
    Now that Joy was gone, I didn’t have to sneeze anymore.
     
    After waiting a few minutes to make sure Joy and Tonio were not returning for an encore performance, I unfurled myself from my fetal position and crawled out from under the desk.
    So eager was I to get the heck out of there that I foolishly raced into the reception area without checking to see if the coast was clear—only to bump smack dab into Greg Stanton.
    Oh, foo. I couldn’t risk having him tell Joy I’d been skulking around in her office.
    “Hi, there!” I chirped, trying my best to look wide-eyed and innocent. “I suppose you’re wondering what I was doing in Joy’s office.”
    “Not really.”
    “Just in case you were, I was looking for my purse. I thought I might have left it there. So that’s what I was doing. Just looking for my purse is all. You know how it is, you put your purse down one minute and the next you can’t remember where the heck it is. Then again, I guess you wouldn’t know. It’s a lady thing.”
    I tend to babble when I’m nervous.
    “Well, I hope you find it.”
    “Find what?”
    “Your purse.”
    “Oh, right. My purse.”
    He shot me a most skeptical look, and I could feel his gorgeous blue eyes boring into my back as I trotted off to the party.
    In spite of my encounter with Greg, I returned to the mixer in remarkably high spirits.
    I had, after all, deleted that godawful e-mail!
    The clouds of doom had lifted. I saw sunshine! I saw rainbows! Oh, hell. I saw Skip Holmeier III.
    There he was, toupee akimbo, scarfing down