swear to God I won’t let them hurt you. And I know this isn’t the life you wanted. You deserve more . . . so much fuckin’ more and it’s because of me you’re stuck here, in a hotel and in Nashville. Life isn’t fuckin’ fair, is it? You should be with some rich guy with fancy shoes, suits that cost over ten thousand grand and who would treat you like you were a princess. Instead, you’re stuck here with me: a three-time loser, never going any place . . . ruined your whole fucking life and for what? Nothin’. I will never understand how such a beautiful, gorgeous soul like your self could fall for a selfish, piece of shit like me. And don’t say my looks because we all know those will fade with time.”
“Believe it or not but you have a hell of a lot of charisma, baby.” Liv pulled away from me and I knew she had calmed down and was a lot more like her usual self. “I used to follow you and Ness around the neighborhood convincing myself that one day, you’d be my husband. The father of my children. I was a stupid kid at the time but some dreams never die.”
Tears fell from her gorgeous eyes again and all I wanted to do was lick them up and never see her cry again. “Truth is I’m fuckin’ pissed at you, Shaw, but I will never regret our time together. You’re my best friend, my confidant, the shoulder I lean on when I’m feeling weak and feel like I can’t take this shit anymore. Even when you were inside, I’d cry myself to sleep thinking about you and knowing you’d wipe my tears away and say to me, ‘Liv, nothin’ bad lasts forever . . . just like nothin’ good but it’s life, and we all have to deal with it. Although it’s better when you know you got that one person who will never let you down, and loves you to the marrow of your bones.’ Where did you pick up that sayin’ anyways? I always thought it was some shit you made up to make me feel better when my dad used to be beat my mom’s ass the few times he was out of prison.”
“I remember learnin’ about marrow in science class—that’s before I dropped out of school. That leukemia destroys the marrow or somethin’ and that’s why people who get it need bone marrow treatments.” I stared deep into her mesmerizing eyes, and secretly wished I’d never have to look away. “I remember the teacher talkin’ about how painful bone marrow transplants were and all I could think about was if you got leukemia, I’d give you every ounce of my bone marrow just so you could live. That’s how much I cared about ya. Didn’t know a human can’t live without bone marrow but I’d die for you, Liv. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do just to put a smile on that beautiful, innocent face of yours.”
She laughed out loud as she removed her towel turban and walked back over the mini bar, pouring herself another JD. “I’m not so innocent anymore, Shaw. I gave a lot of hand jobs, blowjobs and naked lap dances when I was at the club. I hated it but my mind was like a torpedo—all I could think about was the end justifying the means. When it was all over, I’d have my degree and that’s all that counted. Then none of those filthy sons of bitches could ever touch me again. It was tough . . . not gonna lie to you but I was so proud I held on to my virginity. I coulda tricked there too but I wouldn’t. Povikov wanted me to but he knew he couldn’t make me.”
“Why do you say it like that?”
Liv stared at me with eyes that pierced my soul. “Povikov breaks all the girls in and he was willing to pay me for my virginity but . . . there were certain lines I couldn’t even cross. I felt sleazy enough just workin’ there. Maybe, just maybe that’s why we’re in this position. I cheated. I should have worked dead-end diner jobs and went to school. It wasn’t like I needed the money. I made top grades so I always got scholarships and the amount for books I paid was paltry in comparison to what I was makin’ at the club. Maybe I did