Free Singing Heart by Darlene Purcell Page A

to fathom what had made her change from the inquisitive child into this apathetic woman. Her dreams always ended the same. He would watch her walk away never trying to follow her in to her own world.
    *****
    Brett browbeat her constantly. Told her how dimwitted, homely, repugnant she was. Her barrenness humiliated him.
    “ Even mongrel bitches can breed! Your mother had nine children. What the hell is the matter with you?!”
    *****
    She was cleaning the kitchen ill from the heat when Brett’s baritone startled her. Oh God! Not again! He’d called her twice today already. He’d been up all night with Jonathan but apparently they had gotten into some kind of argument. Brett had continued drinking after his friend had departed in a huff.
    Xzan bruised her thigh painfully on the table in the hallway rushing to answer his summons. The green velvet curtains were drawn. She stood meekly head bent down subserviently awaiting his dictum but none came. She ventured a peek. Expelled a sigh of relief when she saw he had passed out. Careful not to wake him Xzan took the cigar from between his slack lips placing it in the spittoon next to his chair. With any luck he would sleep through the rest of the day. Her hopes were answered he didn’t rouse at all. She crept to her bed early so weary she fell almost instantly asleep.
    Some nameless, faceless monster was poking her with an unwieldy saber. She wailed in agony. It strangled her telling her to shut up. Then the thing stuck the sharp point right into her most private parts. Xzan fought to get loose gasping for air. Suddenly it wasn’t a nightmare anymore. It was real. She smelled the liquor on his breath. Brett was hurting her in the foulest way imaginable putting his member inside her body ripping her apart.
    It was over in a few minutes. He sounded like he was retching. Slid out of her bed leaving her there to bleed to death alone. She lay devoid of all feeling until dawn. Incapable of rationalizing this evil violation. Disbelieving it could really have happened. She prayed to God for a swift death to end to the torture. Brett never hurt her again that way. He seemed disgusted not only with her but himself. He sat in the dark crying and drinking for days until one morning he left and when he returned he and Jonathan had become friends again.
    *****
    She woke up queasy for the fifth day in a row. Her menses hadn’t appeared this month and she felt sleepy all the time. Xzan knew without being told that what ailed her was more than a soured stomach. She’s been around Mama too long to miss the symptoms of fecundity in herself. Xzan was elated. She had finally conceived. The thought of having a baby was exciting and terrifying all at once. She’d seen how her mother suffered through each of her pregnancies. Knew it was painful and uncomfortable.
    The reality of having a son or daughter to love and to be loved by was overwhelming. Finally to hear the laughter that had echoed in her family’s home reverberating through this mausoleum made her heart dance with happiness. She couldn’t wait to tell Brett. To see the long awaited approval on his face. That is when he allowed her to speak to him. He barked out orders. Never asked her opinion on anything. She would have to find a way to get his permission to tell him her news.
    She was so grateful for Puddin Head. Xzan would have forgotten entirely how to speak if it hadn’t been for her fluffy friend. She found herself chattering incessantly to it like it was a real person. It responded in it’s own way purring contentedly or meowing while cocking it’s head back to peer at her with intelligent green eyes. More and more as she was forced in to a solitary existence she found herself tuning in to the animals around her. She whistled at the birds throwing breadcrumbs out the back door to them each morning. They warbled in acceptance chirped loudly when she was late. The squirrel she’d never seen but heard, rolling some of his stash