Free Psycho Inside Me by Bonnie R. Paulson Page A

Oh, man. I’d forgotten all about it on the couch.
    I couldn’t smile. The relief his actions had brought me wasn’t a laughing matter. “I did, thank you so much.”
    “Sure, kid.” He opened the door wider.
    My forehead furrowed and I pushed past him to get inside.
    Deegan’s cousin swiveled in his chair, brandishing his tattoo gun. It looked like a gun, but I honestly had no idea what the technical term for it was. No way was I going to say needles or needle or pokies or anything. I hated sharp objects that I didn’t control. An image of my unused knife taped to the underside of my desk flashed in my mind.
    I waved. “Hey, Sal, how’s it goin’?”
    He lifted his chin in that upward nod so many “too cool” guys did. “Girl, how you doin’? How’s my art?” And without asking he reached for the hem of my shirt and pulled it up, revealing the delicate filigree vine creeping up my side from just below my hip bone to an inch past my bottom rib. He traced the black lines with his forefinger. “You know, this is just waiting to be finished. This single leaf here is very pathetic looking, don’t you think, Deegs?” Sal leaned across me and eyed his cousin.
    Deegan didn’t argue. He settled onto the dentist-style chair in front of Sal and rolled up his sleeve, exposing the thick wired band wrapping the lines of his bicep. “That’s why we’re here. She’d like another one on there.” He didn’t drag his gaze from the flesh of my flat stomach. The heat in his eyes gave me a specific satisfaction I couldn’t define, but the realization that I liked it and that he would see it if he looked up made me drop the edge of my shirt and turn away. Warmth flooded my cheeks and I pretended to study the pictures of ink in a portfolio on Sal’s table.
    After a second, the familiar hum and buzz of the tattoo equipment started. Deegan had a wire with one barb on it. Sal worked on the second barb about an inch from the first. His talented fingers gave the art a three-dimensional look which looked badass on Deegan’s defined muscle.
    My turn and I took Deegan’s spot, shuffling past him and starting when his knee collided with mine as he stood. I muttered sorry, but couldn’t meet his eyes. I wanted to kiss him, or something, but it didn’t seem like the appropriate time or place. Plus, my mom had always stressed the importance of letting the guy lead, like a dance or something.
    I tucked the end of my shirt into the bottom of my bra and hooked my arm over my head. A tattoo in my side had been extremely stupid. The pain would’ve been easier to manage on my shoulder or arm, but my side was the only place besides my swimwear areas that people didn’t see. I couldn’t walk into my house with a tattoo on brazen display, especially at thirteen and fourteen – if ever. My dad would flip and my mom would probably go all gray haired.
    Plus, the circumstances didn’t exactly condone sharing it with the world.
    Sal studied my skin. His gaze didn’t make me uncomfortable like so many guys’ did. He did it without lust or desire in his expression. He simply wanted to make good art. “I’m thinking we don’t need another leaf… I know that’s what you’re planning, but I feel like this one needs more…” He prodded the vine and placed his thumb an inch or so below the single leaf. “If you trust me, I’d like to do something a bit different.”
    Trust was a strong word, but with regards to my tattoo, I must trust him or I wouldn’t let him near me with a grouping of needles intent on poking my skin. “Okay, I’m game.”
    “Right where my finger is, I’m going to do some localized work. Stretch up in a semi-arch like when we did the vine work and hold it. This might take a bit.” He mixed some colors and got wipes ready. After a few minutes, he tapped my side. “Okay, here we go.”
    I clenched my hands and breathed through my nose as the pain started. I’d gone through it before, but a year could