Free Psycho Inside Me by Bonnie R. Paulson

in his car during a drug deal or something down by the river.” She sniffed. “I’m sorry. I feel terrible for being happy, but my brothers are safe now from him.”
    A drug deal gone bad? Deegan must have nailed it when he’d guessed pot. I hadn’t had a chance to ask Deegan about the final details when Mom had dropped him off at his house. I’d waved, but that was it.
    Oh, crap, Cassie, react. I dropped my jaw and raised my eyebrows. “Dead, wow. I understand why you don’t seem very upset. Are you sure everything is okay?”
    She nodded, her hair bobbing with excitement. “I’m relieved. He can’t hurt me again and the boys are safe. I know, I know. I should be so upset. He’s family and he’s dead, but…” Kari shrugged. “I can’t be anything but relieved.”
    I reached out and hugged her. How could I feel guilty, like I did anything wrong when my friend’s face had lightened with emotion? Her worries were over. She was safe. How could I be upset about that? I wished Deegan could hear Kari’s relief, see the light in her eyes. In seconds, my friend had changed. Deegan and I had done that.
    Protecting my friend from a true nightmare made me feel good. I’d prevented her brothers from real pain. And… the euphoria returned. Like the power of a run, the control of the moment.
    The next one would be better. And the thought startled me. I hadn’t considered more – didn’t like the feelings of guilt that assailed me, the sickness at taking a life… okay, yes, I had puked three times on the way home before picking up Deegan… but the point wasn’t my reaction to killing, because I’d survived twice. The point was did Deegan and I continue but in a more formal manner? Did we go after those who deserved it?
    Deserved it… Deegan would never go for the idea. He’d expressly said as much earlier at Kari’s. Nobody deserved what had happened to Sheldon. And I agreed, but even more importantly? Nobody deserved what had happened to Kari, almost happened to me, could’ve happened to the sweet little boys sleeping in my brother’s room. If I could protect one more kid, give them the sense of security that I’d given Kari, how could there not be another one?
    I’d broken promises to myself before… what was one more?
    I just couldn’t do anything without Deegan… we’d promised together.

Chapter 7

    “Hey, wanna meet at my cousin’s again?” Deegan’s proposal rumbled from the earpiece of my cell phone. I’d answered, assuming it was Kari to go to the mall or something. My heart skipped and jumped and had its own rodeo when I realized it was him.
    I couldn’t smother the joy in my voice, coyness be damned. “When?”
    “In an hour?” To the point. His own smile carried easily over the line.
    “Okay.” And that was it. We hung up, knowing the other would be there. Excited, I skipped down the hall and yelled to my mom I wanted to go out. I’d take my bike. She wouldn’t object to me being on that alone.
    No way would I ask her for a ride to a tattoo parlor.

    ~~~

    The lock clicked in place and I spun the dial. I’d parked my Schwinn outside Deegan’s cousin’s shop, the turquoise paint clashed with the dark brick siding.
    “Hey!” He waited for me at the door, holding it open with one arm. “You made it. I’m about ready to start, you up for this?”
    Part of me didn’t want to get another one, but I couldn’t say no. Not to Deegan. Plus, if I wanted him to discuss my idea, I’d go willingly into his plans without argument. “Sure. It can’t hurt as much as the last time.”
    “Thatta girl.” He patted my shoulder like a buddy on a team or something, confusing me further. Teenage girls did not need help being confused. Every second of every day confusion ruled me. “Hey, did you get the package I left you?”
    He’d dropped a box wrapped in white paper covered with vines on my front step a couple days after our activity. Opening it in secret, I’d discovered my knife.