Free Mary Ellen Courtney - Hannah Spring 02 - Spring Moon by Mary Ellen Courtney

four,” I said. “Wait until we get there.”
    Chana was watching us. She’d been watching since I first met Jon. Children of broken homes learn an extra dose of vigilance spared the Adams of the world.
∞
    We got home and turned in. Jon had left a message saying he missed us. Missed me. I had enjoyed a few hours of distraction, but the background sound of wind chimes and surf, and his voice, crashed down on my heart. I invited Meggie to sleep with me. She curled up with her back against my stomach and sucked her thumb to soothe the undercurrent of tension. I felt sad for her. I stroked her hair until she started to breathe deeply into her nighttime world. Chance snuffled before finally giving up to sleep.
∞
    Mom and Arthur stopped at the house the next day to give me a hand getting everyone ready. Eric took a picture of the three of us and sent it to Jon.
    “That’s a little manipulative,” I said.
    “I like Jon,” he said. “This is going to be hard for him.”
    “We’re hillbillies.”
    “So, now he has a picture of hillbillies.”
∞
    The church was beautiful. Samantha had done a good job with the production design. The usher put us on the outside of the family aisle in case I needed to drag out a disruption. The parents and grandparents were ushered in, and the processional music started. Meggie eyed the flower girl. I thought there might be trouble, but she hopped up and down in the pew when Chana came in with Adam. I thought she would faint when Chana gave her a fluttery wave.
    We all stood for the Wedding March. Samantha was radiant on Ted’s arm. She looked more like Ted than Bettina. He had put on a little weight living in the calm of a good marriage.
    I could see Jon walking Chana down the aisle in a year. Celeste would be in the front row with Eric and Anna. Meggie would be the flower girl. Chance and I would be relegated to the back with Asp smiling wickedly. I hugged Chance so hard he squeaked. Better to be in Rome.
    Meggie watched the ceremony, rapt. I think as much by seeing her sister, as the frothy cupcake bride. Eric was sneaking pictures with his phone and texting. He leaned down the row and shot a picture of me with the kids. I didn’t blame him. No matter what happened between Jon and me, Jon and Eric would be related for life.
    We showered them with birdseed, and then headed to the country club for a traditional affair. The bride danced with the groom. She danced with her father. The groom danced with his stepmother-in-law. Meggie danced with her hot pink shoes. Everyone danced but me.
    My breasts throbbed with milk that had jumped the nursing pad barricade and spread across the top of my dress. Primal Chance was getting restless with the proximity of all that largess and Meggie was overtired. It was time to leave.

∞
    I put Meggie in the tub and sat on the toilet nursing Chance while she talked about the princess. I got them down and called Karin to tell her I was coming up the next day.
    “Great,” she said. “How’d the wedding go?”
    “Lovely. Adam and Chana finally came out of the closet.”
    “Good. That was getting silly. Jon okay with it?”
    “He’s okay.”
    “How about you?”
    “I’m going to have lunch with Marty. See if I can line up something with a start a few months out.”
    “Something happen?”
    “I’ll tell you when I see you.”
    “Okay. What time?”
    “I don’t know. I want to miss rush hour.”
    “It’s always rush hour. The Orange County corridor has been torn up for months.”
    “I’ll go up the back way then. I’ll let you know when I get close.”
    I got in the bathtub with Meggie’s tired pop bubbles. Disintegrating relationships have such a painful and predictable trajectory. It takes time to seal off your heart to all that was going to be. What’s left is holding your head up in public and making a plan. What’s left in private is imagining no life in front of you, while the other person goes on a joy ride through life. Even if