Free Making It Through by Erin Cristofoli

not?
     
    Be over in a little bit.
     
    Max arrived with a pizza in hand and a backpack over his shoulder. I led him quickly up to my room where I knew we would have the best chance for quiet. He looked around the room quickly before he hopped onto the bed and lounged against the headboard. I sat at my desk, my feet resting on the edge of the bed.
    I wondered what he was thinking about as he observed my room. It had changed a little growing up, from pink walls to gray , from white furniture to rich mahogany, from flowery bedding to a solid Irish green, from dolls to books. The only thing that had stayed the same was the window seat piled with pillows.
    “I like this,” Max stated waiving his arm around. “It’s warm and cozy, and what I would expect you'd like. But enough procrastinating.”
    I smiled at him as I cracked open my first book to get moving. He handed me a slice of pizza, and we dove into work.
    After an hour and a half of study time and cheesy deliciousness, I closed my book for a break. Max was looking around the room again. His eyes stopped at the site of my guitar case in the corner.
    “Do you play?” he asked with clear curiosity.
    “I haven’t played in a while. But yes, I can play a little.”
    Max walked over, picked the guitar up, and handed it to me.
    “You should play for me.”
    Oh, God, no. “Max... no. Let’s just study, okay ? I have a paper to start, one that I'm in serious need of help with.”
    I set the guitar beside me, resting it against my desk, and pulled a notebook from my backpack. He quickly picked up the guitar.
    “Come on. What, are you afraid you're going to suck? I promise I won’t laugh...”
    “It’s not that at all. I just don’t feel like it.”
    My eyes returned to my paper. Max, however, decided not to give up the matter.
    “I’ll make you a deal. Play for me, just one song, and I’ll help you with your paper.”
    I looked at him at length. How could I explain that the idea made my stomach turn?
    With a huge sigh, I snatched the guitar from his hands and placed it upon my knee.
    I played a few chords, creating a quick tune, and then laid the guitar back down. “There you go. Can we get back to work now?”
    Max rolled his eyes at me. “Uh... no... you call that a song? What's the hang up? Do you have a terrible voice or something?”
    He paused, seeing the tortured look that crossed my face. Immediately, he tugged me from my chair to sit beside him on the end of the bed, wrapping his arm over my shoulder. “Matt?”
    I nodded and rested my head on his shoulder. “It’s ridiculous how all of the things I used to love seem to hurt me now. I never fully appreciated how much Matt touched my life until he was gone. He and I used to have some pretty wicked jam sessions.” I laughed softly. “I miss that.”
    Max handed me the guitar again. “One song. Think of it as Max’s therapy session.”
    I smiled up at him and nodded. “Okay. One song.”
    I softly began to strum, and, closing my eyes, I began to sing.
     
    Tell me it's going to work out fine
    ‘Cause I’ve worked so hard
    And I’ve grown so tired.
     
    I’ve let my guard down
    Laid my heart on the line
    And I’m letting my weakness show.
     
    Everything that I am
    Still no one sees
    That all I really want
    Is to have some company.
     
    Each day is an eternity
    No one there to fill the void
    And I’m feeling terribly lonely
     
    Searching for inspiration
    Only finding dead ends
    And I’m just feeling lost.
     
    Everything that I am
    Still no one sees
    That all I really want
    Is to have some company.
     
    Searching for inspiration
    Only finding dead ends
    And I’m just feeling lost.
     
    As I played the last chord, I took a deep breath to try and clear the lump in my throat, blinking wildly to dissolve the tears in my eyes. When I looked at Max, he had that familiar, strange expression on his face.
    “What’s wrong?”
    He cleared his throat before answering. “Absolutely nothing. Wow,