Free Uncle John’s Giant 10th Anniversary Bathroom Reader by Bathroom Readers’ Institute Page A

come up with a different name.
    THE PLAINTIFF: Lorene Bynum
    THE DEFENDANTS: St. Mary’s Hospital in Little Rock, Arkansas
    THE LAWSUIT: In 1992, Bynum visited her husband, a patient at the hospital. She wanted to use the bathroom, but the toilet seat was dirty—and there wasn’t enough toilet paper to spread out on it. So she took off her shoes and tried to go to the bathroom standing on the toilet seat. Unfortunately the seat was loose. Bynum fell, spraining her lower back. She sued the hospital for negligence.
    THE VERDICT: A jury awarded Bynum $13,000. But the Arkansas Supreme Court overturned the verdict. “The injuries resulted from her act of standing on the commode seat, which was neither designed nor intended to be used in that way,” they explained.
    THE PLAINTIFF: Victoria Baldwin
    THE DEFENDANT: Synergy, a hair salon in Sydney, Australia
    THE LAWSUIT: In July 1996, Baldwin had her hair cut at the salon. The result was so bad, she complained, that it made her “look like Hillary Clinton.” She sued for damages, plus reimbursement for money spent on hats to cover her head until the hair grew back.
    THE VERDICT: Baldwin won $750, plus $234 for the hats.
     
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    The German language has about 185,000 words. French has less than 100,000.
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THE FOOLISH HUNTER
    Here’s a chance to soak up a little wisdom while you’re just sitting around. This is an old Hebrew tale, from a longtime favorite book of Uncle John’s, called Myths and Legends of the Ages.
    A hunter once caught a bird in a trap. “Let me go,” the bird pleaded. “It won’t do you any good to kill me—I’m not very big. If you roast me, all you’ll get is a mouthful or two at the most. And if you lock me in a cage, I can promise you right now that I’ll never sing a note for you. But if you let me go, I’ll give you three pieces of wisdom which will bring you great happiness and success.”
    The hunter pondered over the bird’s speech. “All right,” he said. “Tell me your three pieces of wisdom, and I’ll let you go.”
    “First,” said the bird, “never believe a story that goes against your common sense. Secondly, don’t regret what is done and cannot be undone.” Then, cocking his head to one side, the bird concluded, “And the third piece of wisdom is, don’t try the impossible.”
    “There’s nothing so wise about that,” scoffed the hunter. “I practice those teachings all the time. But since you’re not much use to me anyway, I’ll let you go.”
    No sooner was the bird released, than he flew to a high branch of a nearby tree. “Foolish man!” he said. “Did you think I was just an ordinary bird? Oh no! Now I can tell you that I am much different from other birds. My heart is made of a precious ruby. If you had cut me open and taken out my heart, you might have been the richest man in the world.”
    When the man heard this, he cursed his folly in letting the bird go. He shook his fist at the bird in the tree. “I’ll catch you, you rogue!” he cried in a rage of disappointment.
    The hunter quickly started to climb the tree. But the bird flew to the tip of a high branch, well out of the man’s reach. The hunter leaned far out, trying to lay his hands on the bird. But he lost his balance, fell out of the tree, and was badly hurt.
    “So!” cried the bird. “You said there was nothing wise about my words—that what I told you is only what you always practice! But the first thing I told you was never to believe anything that was contrary to common sense. Did anyone ever hear of a bird whose heart was made of a ruby? No. Yet you instantly believed my story.
     
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    Brain food: You can think 625 thoughts on the caloric energy of one Cheerio.
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    “The next thing I said was don’t regret what has been done and cannot be undone. You let me go—but then you instantly regretted it!
    “The last piece of wisdom was, don’t waste your energies pursuing the impossible. How could you ever hope to catch