Free A Country Marriage by Sandra Jane Goddard Page A

of more enticing flesh and the resulting moment of hesitation that had given her the chance to pull away from him. With hindsight – a gift he knew to be treacherous at the best of times – he deeply, deeply rued failing to grasp the opportunity. If only he had. How things might then have turned out differently! No, no, no; he had been down that regret-paved path before and knew all too well how it led only in the direction of endless torture. No, much better to justify that moment of hesitation by remembering how badly she had been trembling and how he’d had no wish to alarm her. Hm. Deep down it didn’t change it for what it was, though: flimsy defence for his false-heartedness.
    Tossing aside the hammer, he squinted along the ridge of the henhouse, surprised to find that unlike his own character, it ran straight and true. At least he could do something right, then. He turned about. Close by was a pile of rough-sawn planks, and selecting the uppermost, he looked it over for fitness as roof covering. As a task, it proved poor distraction, though, his mind returning yet again to what he had come to think of as his predicament . If nothing else, he did feel a certain sympathy for his new wife. After all, he had brought her here to his family – none of whom she knew – and straight away it had been obvious that she was completely overwhelmed. It didn’t help – then or now – that he had felt awkward with her too. She had clearly never been alone with a man before but then, wasn’t that something he had convinced himself that he wanted in a wife? And if so, why, now, did her innocence feel like such a tremendous burden? Of course, it might all have been less difficult had she aroused some desire in him, maybe then he could have just seized her, kissed her and hoped for a favourable response. As it was, she had looked as though he ought to have just pecked her on the cheek and tucked her into bed, an uncomfortable recollection that reawakened the memory of watching her undress and his shame at his reaction. It was fair to say that he had been completely unprepared for how very slim and childlike she was. And then, of course, in that very moment of seeing her naked, his brother’s comments about her shape had flashed through his mind to extinguish even the faintest glimmer of desire he might otherwise have been able to summon. Damn Tom Strong. May the man burn in hell for his remarks.
    Gripping his fingers tightly around the handle of the saw, he urged the quivering blade back and forth through the coarse plank. Don’t dwell, don’t dwell , he muttered in time to its rasping. Don’t dwell , he repeated as the off-cut dropped onto the grass and he reached for another plank. What about last night, then, his mind seemed to taunt? Lining up the second plank, he shook his head. No, last night wasn’t as bad. Against all expectations he had detected a change in her; a modest one admittedly, barely discernible even but a change nevertheless. Granted, she still wasn’t the most willing or responsive participant and he was almost certain that at one point she had been gritting her teeth but she had seemed a little less petrified. Still, it had been his decision alone to choose such a young and naïve wife, the downside of which was now becoming apparent; he would have to be patient with her. Surely, that was preferable, though, to having discovered on his wedding night that his new bride was as… practised … at such things as Annie, appealing though that might in some ways have been.
    Annie. Inevitably, his mind drifted back to her. She still fascinated him, although she wasn’t necessarily the sort of woman to whom he wanted to be wed, a realisation that had contributed in no small part to his eventually choosing Mary. Certainly, Annie had all the experience and confidence that Mary didn’t, although to make any sort of comparison was entirely unfair. And it didn’t do to dwell on where Annie might have gained all