Free Lost by Christina Draper

Dad.” Carey replied in a tone that reminded us just how old we were
getting.
    “A band? Like
what? I mean, what do they sing.”
    “They don’t
really sing, babe. They kind of yell.” I answered him.
    “You know who
they are?” Brian was surprised.
    “I do.”
Obviously I was cooler than my husband.
    “Okay. If you
say so.” Brian walked into the room. “It looks great, Carey. It really does.”
    Carey had
beamed under Brian’s praise. He took great pride in his room, and it showed. He
had asked me to get him a simple, navy blue comforter. And he found the old
drafting desk at an antique store himself. He brought it home and fixed it up
with some help from Brian, and I bought him a stool to go along with it. And on
the floor, he had a Duke throw rug. Just like Sam. Just like Jimmy.
    I snapped back
into the moment and walked into his room. Carey was laying on his bed, and I
sat next to him. “Babe. You okay?”
    “Yeah. I just
miss him. You know, Mom? I really miss him. It’s funny. Sometimes I think I
hear him.” He turned over onto his back and looked at me.
    “Like in your
dreams?” I asked gently. Carey didn’t talk about Brian much, and I didn’t want
to push him.
    “No, more
like... all the time. When I’m awake. When I’m running. Like the other day when
I went for a run. I was running down the bike path, near the lake, and I
stopped to tie my shoe. I swear I heard Dad tell me to get up and move.”
    “I do too.” I
wanted our son to know it was okay, that he wasn’t going crazy. “Sometimes, in
the morning when I go out back for a cup of coffee, I think I hear him too.”
    “What does he
tell you?”
    “Nothing much.
Just that he loves me. Maybe it’s what I want to hear... what I miss hearing.”
    Carey nodded
and turned to the window. “Can I stay home with you today, Mom?”
    “Sure. Maybe
you can help me go through some of Dad’s stuff.” I told him.
    He nodded, and
I stood up to go tell Sam. “I’m gonna tell Sam you’re staying home. Meet me in
my room when you’re ready.”

* *
*
    I left and went to find Sam. He was
downstairs waiting, “Hey. Carey’s going to stay home with me. Can you tell Bee
that for me?”
    “Sure. I’ll let
her know. Be right back.” Sam nodded and left with the swim bag.
    I watched him
go down the driveway for a moment, and then went back upstairs to finish up.
Carey was already in our room.
    “Dad had a lot
of T-shirts,” he noted.
    I laughed.
Brian did have a lot of T-shirts. It was an easy gift for him. Sports teams,
superheroes, movies, bands he liked—he had them all. He teased me when I
pilfered one to sleep in, but why get a nightshirt when he had so many
available?
    “Remember this
one?” Carey showed me a black T-shirt with a pirate skull and crossbones on it.
    “ The Goonies !”
I laughed. “Your Dad loved that movie.”
    “And here’s
that dorky Mickey Mouse shirt Dad used to wear to mow the lawn.”
    We took the
kids to Disney World a few years ago, and I had insisted on getting a Minnie
Mouse shirt. Brian found me one and bought the matching Mickey Mouse shirt. The
girls loved it, but the boys thought it was so dorky. So of course that meant
Brian wore it all the time.
    I saw his white
Aerosmith T-shirt and grabbed it. “I think I’m going to keep this one.” It was
the first concert he ever took me to.
    I turned around
and grabbed some more clothes, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Carey put
the Mickey Mouse shirt under our bed. I assumed he would retrieve it later. I
smiled and said nothing—let him have his secrets.

* *
*
    Sam returned from Bee and Anthony’s and
joined us. We boxed up jeans and polos, winter coats and shoes. And right as we
were finishing up, I heard the doorbell ring.
    “Oh, it’s noon.
I bet that’s animal control. Sam, grab the door for me. I’m just going to wash
my hands.”
    Sam nodded and
ran down the stairs to get the door. I heard him talking, and then bringing the
officers