Free Why Girls Are Weird by Pamela Ribon Page A

ventured into the scary realm of painting Meanings and Symbols and Themes. Lately I haven’t been able to paint a single stroke without getting a tightening in my throat and a quickness in my chest that’s screaming, “You suck, LDobler! You suck!” Did I start this with a parenthesis? Dammit.)
    What I was going to say (before this third cup of coffee—the stuff of rambling confidence, and the only thing keeping me from deleting this entirely and going back to an old episode of Family Ties —(Alex has joined the ERA because he thinks this feminist girl is hot, but now he’s about to announce that he thinks it’s all bullshit because it’s better to be a Republican than to get laid)….)
    I’ve lost my train of thought now. Oh, right. “Series of questions.” I was going to say that I know you’re busy, but I’ve been wondering a few things. If you find the time, I’d love to know the following:
    A) Am I bothering you?
    B) Do you want to know more about me?
    C) Are you sure?
    -LDobler
    -----
Subject: re: re: re: re: Ramblings.
    LD
    A) No, you’re not bothering me.
    B) Yes, I’d love to know more about you. I find you intriguing. Contrary to what you believe, I’m not swarmed with fans. There are very few of you. Well, there are more of you than I thought there’d be, but in comparison to the entire world, there are very few of you. And in terms of men who seem interested in me, I’d say there are very, very, very few of you. I mean that in the most undesperate way possible.
    C) Yes, I’m sure.
    By the way, do you find yourself thinking of me in strange places? I’d like to know where this image of me is getting evoked. I don’t want to tell you what to think and all, but I’d appreciate you being gentlemanly about your thoughts of me, at least until we get to know each other a bit better.
    Pittsburgh? What’s that like? Is that a place you go to or end up?
    A) I’ve asked you this before and you didn’t answer. What does LDobler stand for? Because right now it means “Lloyd Dobler,” John Cusack’s character from Say Anything . If that’s what you’re going for, then you’re clearly after my heart. Lloyd Dobler is the perfect man.
    B) Are you the perfect man?
    C) How did you find my webpage?
    D) Do you think about me when you’re driving? Have you ever missed your turn because of it?
    -AK
    -----

000014.
    A Texas summer can be so hot that people want to kill and maim and cry bloody tears. It starts in April and doesn’t let up until October, sometimes lasting all the way to Halloween. I had made it to August without a slaughter, but my rage was quickly turning inward. It had been 102 degrees for three days straight and when a heat wave like that hits, Texans stay indoors for as long as possible. Hiding from the heat inside of my apartment forced me to take a hard look at myself. I got angry about how lazy the heat made me. I had spent so much time playing storyteller for the Internet that I had neglected myself. I hated the way I lived, I hated the way I looked, and I hated the way I felt about myself. I was lonely and unhappy in my own skin. I felt like everyone could see I was uncomfortable and tacky. I was wearing shame like stirrup pants.
    It was a Saturday morning and I was on my futon, flat on my back, trying hard not to move, when my phone rang. I tried to move only two fingers to answer it. As I brought my arm to my head a bead of sweat rolled from my wrist to my elbow. All I wanted was central air conditioning. Why couldn’t the city provide that? Wasn’t that the only humane thing to do?
    â€œHello?” I answered as I leaned my head closer to the fan beside me.
    â€œI need your measurements,” Becca said without even saying hello.
    â€œI can’t move,” I moaned, feeling the heat make wavy curves around my body. I looked toward my kitchen and swore I