Free Pretty is as Pretty Dies (A Myrtle Clover Mystery) by Elizabeth Spann Craig

once a week for more food for her feral flock. Anybody
who fed squirrels on purpose had to be squirrelly too. The squirrel
sat at the edge of Myrtle's yard, watching the back door. As soon as
she was gone, it was going to hop back up and finish its lunch.
    Myrtle thumped her way through the house and out the front
door. Erma was already outside, holding a plastic bag and her car
keys. One squirrel was a foot behind her in the driveway, and she
clucked to it and tossed it some peanuts. Another perched on the
top of her old Cadillac like a furry hood ornament.
    She wiped off some of her makeup and mussed her hair a little
and stepped outside. She must have done a good job. Erma stayed
back and reached her arm way out to hand Myrtle the keys. "You
look awful. Do you think you need to upchuck?" She peered anxiously into Myrtle's face and Myrtle thought she might have to after all. "You're looking kind of green. Here's a bag in case you need to
throw up in the car. Good luck at the doctor." She paused and looked
at Myrtle uncertainly. "Have you ... um ... driven recently?"

    "Certainly. Five years ago."
    "That's recent?"
    "Time is relative when you're my age. Don't worry-I've always
been an excellent driver."
    Erma crooned to the squirrelly hood ornament and it hopped
off the car and up the driveway. It crossed over into Myrtle's yard
and she put her hand on the horn to honk, but thought twice
about it. She was supposed to be at death's door, so probably
shouldn't seem too concerned about rodent eating habits.
    If Erma had envisioned Myrtle peeling rubber as she raced off
to the doctor, she was quickly relieved when she carefully pulled
the stick into reverse, looked thoroughly behind her as she backed
up, and drove off down the street at a sedate twenty miles an
hour.

     

FIVE

    CRAZY DAN'S LITTLE PIECE of the world was located out on the
rural-route highway that had been a major thoroughfare before
the advent of the interstate system. The rural route was dotted
with deserted roadside motels, old farms with some dwarfy cotton
stalks that looked like dried-up sticks, and bait shops with beer
signs in the windows.
    The number of Jesus signs increased in proportion to the distance from Bradley. They started out "Jesus Saves" and got lesscomforting as she drove on out. By the time Myrtle was out in the
sticks, the signs warned her of her eternal damnation. She passed
little bitty houses with big satellite dishes on the roof and an expensive pickup in the driveway. A series of rotting wooden signs
proclaimed "CRAZY Dan's Boil P-Nuts, Hubcaps, Fireworks (Fireworks was long-since crossed off, due to state law), Live Bait!" Next
to it was a weather-beaten sign that looked like a palm with
"Madam Zora, psychic" written on it. Actually, it had "sykick" on it, but Myrtle deciphered the meaning. Apparently, Madam Zora
also read "tarro cards."

    "One-stop shopping and find out your future," muttered Myrtle as she pulled Erma's car off the street and onto a barren stretch
of red clay that Myrtle guessed was the parking lot. Most of his
yard looked that way, though. His house was the most startling
thing on the lot. At least, Myrtle guessed there was a house lurking
underneath the hubcaps. Everything from the roof down was completely covered with every type of hubcap imaginable. Only a couple of dirty windows remained uncovered. She sat in the car and
just stared at it. What did it sound like during a rainstorm? Who
would do something like this? The kind of person who would have
information about a murder, she decided. She grabbed her cane
from the passenger's seat and opened the car door.
    Since no one had come out, she made her way up to the front
door of the hubcap house. She could see no discernible doorbell
and the door was completely covered by hubcaps. How was she
supposed to let him know she was there? She rapped at a hubcap
with her cane, which made a metallic reverberating sound, and she