Free Dr. Carbles Is Losing His Marbles! by Dan Gutman Page B

principal. But I guess any dumbhead can be a principal.
    Dr. Carbles wasn’t wearing his usual jacket and tie. He was wearing an army uniform, with black boots and a whistlearound his neck. In one hand he was holding a bullhorn. In the other he had a whip.
    He didn’t say anything at first. He just walked down the aisle, looking us over. Nobody made a move. Nobody made a sound. It was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop. *
    We were all afraid of Dr. Carbles. He had a scowl on his face. Even Miss Daisy looked scared.
    Finally Dr. Carbles put the bullhorn to his mouth.
    â€œATTEN—TION!” Dr. Carbles hollered, and we all straightened up in our seats. “This school is pathetic! You are unruly! You are undisciplined! You are totally disrespectful! I won’t stand for it!”
    He was really mad!

    â€œYou don’t go to school to have fun !” he shouted. “You go to school to learn , so you can get into college and have a productive life.”
    â€œBut I’m only in first grade!” said one of the first graders. Then she started to cry.
    â€œSilence!” shouted Dr. Carbles. He cracked his whip, and everybody jumped. “There are going to be some changes around here. Mr. Klutz was too easy on you. There will be no more turkeys and silly costumes and contests. From now on we will focus on the four Rs: reading, writing, arithmetic, and rules. ** We’re going toturn you students into lean, mean learning machines. And if you don’t like the way I do things, well, maybe you’d like to spend a little time in the dungeon on the third floor. Do I make myself clear?”
    â€œYes, Dr. Carbles,” everybody mumbled.
    â€œChildren behave better when they’re wearing uniforms,” Dr. Carbles told us. “So from now on, you will wear the official uniform of Ella Mentry School.”
    The PTA moms went up and down the rows, passing out a bag to each of us.
    â€œThat’s all for now,” Dr. Carbles said. “Any questions?”
    â€œCan I go to the bathroom?” somebody asked.
    â€œNo!” Dr. Carbles yelled. “Weak bladders lead to weak minds. Do you think George Washington went to the bathroom when he was crossing the Delaware?”
    â€œThey had bathrooms on the Delaware?” asked Ryan.
    â€œWill we still have recess?” somebody else asked.
    â€œNo!” Dr. Carbles yelled. “Recess is for wimps.”
    â€œWill we still be allowed to play in the playground after school?” Michael asked.
    â€œNO!” Dr. Carbles yelled. “You’re going to MARCH in the playground after school.”
    Sure enough, when the three-o’clockbell rang, Dr. Carbles led us out onto the playground. We had to form a line, with the fifth graders at the front and the kindergarten trolls at the back.

    â€œLeft! Right! Left! Right!” Dr. Carbles yelled as we marched. “Stop laggingbehind, kindergarteners!”
    Dr. Carbles had us march around the playground a million hundred times. I thought I was gonna die.

5
Being Frank
    The next morning everybody was wearing the official school uniform. The boys had on light blue shirts, blue pants, and blue ties. The girls had on blue skirts with stripes on them.
    I looked like a dork. But everybody looked like a dork, so I didn’t feel so bad.
    We were putting our backpacks away when Mrs. Patty’s voice came over the loudspeaker.
    â€œA.J., please report to Dr. Carbles’s office.”
    â€œOoooooooooooooh!” everybody went.
    â€œA.J. is absent today,” I lied.
    â€œGet down here, A.J.,” said Mrs. Patty.
    â€œOoooooooooooooh!”
    â€œYou’re in trouble, Arlo,” said Andrea.Dr. Carbles is going to send you to jail.”

    What did I do? I mean, I know I did a lot of bad stuff. But not recently. It had been weeks since I wrote in the boys’ bathroom that Andrea was a poopy head. Maybe Dr. Carbles was going to torture me in the