Free Just Friends With Benefits by Meredith Schorr

that be?”
     
    He momentarily looked away from me and flashed his $5 bill in the bartender’s face. I had a feeling the bartender was intentionally ignoring him since $5 wouldn’t even buy a Diet Coke during happy hour specials at Lounge 201. He repeated, “Guy! Guy!” multiple times before turning his sunless-tan-gone-bad face back in my direction. “You know. The actress from Fast Times at Ridgemont High . The hot one.”
     
    Knowing the answer, I said, “You mean Phoebe Cates?”
     
    “Yeah! That’s her.”
     
    As I wondered why the only guys who seemed to hit on me were the ones I didn’t find the slightest bit attractive, I gave him a sideways smile and said, “I actually have heard that a few times but, other than the dark hair, I don’t see a resemblance. But I’ll take it as a compliment. Thanks!”
     
    Cutting in, Suzanne said to the guy, “Does that mean we’ll catch you jerking off in the bathroom later?” Grabbing our drinks from the bar, she turned to me and said, “I got us a table.”
     
    I called out, “Nice talking to you,” before making a quick escape with Suzanne to our table in the brightly lit lounge, which was decorated with posh booths and bright red couches.
     
    Before we got halfway through our first round of mojitos, Suzanne asked if my membership on Match.com was still active. She met her fiancé Luke online and whenever I complained about a horrible first date, she’d recite her favorite cliché: “It only takes one!”
     
    “Yes, Suze, my profile is still up.” My membership had actually expired but it wasn’t technically a lie since I could still receive emails. I just couldn’t open them.
     
    “But are you actively searching or sitting around waiting for guys to email you?” she asked.
     
    “What do you think?” I asked.
     
    Suzanne gave me a disapproving look while I sank my butt lower into the leather seat cushion. “I’d just prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way, that’s all,” I said. Like in college, I thought, as my mind wandered to Hille.
     
    “Hmm, not sure if I should be insulted since I didn’t meet Luke the old fashioned way.”
     
    “Suze, I totally didn’t mean that as an insult to you, but I can’t stand online dating anymore and you’ve already snagged the one decent guy! I’m just gonna take my chances for awhile and see what the universe throws my way.”
     
    “Like that goon at the bar?” Suzanne joked.
     
    “Please. Seriously, can we please drop the subject? It’s a buzz kill and these mojitos are too good to waste.”
     
    “I just don’t want some bitch stealing your husband because she was looking for him while you were waiting for the universe to drop him at your doorstep!”
     
    “You sound like my mom! I promise not to let some bitch steal my husband, okay! Now can we get another round of drinks? I have some information to share.” I decided that maybe Suzanne would be less concerned about my single status if she knew I’d had sex recently.
     
    “Information, huh? I’m sufficiently intrigued.” Standing up, she said, “Okay, I’ll buy another round and you can spill when I get back.”
     
    The deafening sounds of Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” reverberated in the air as I watched Suzanne maneuver her way through the packed lounge area until her blonde curls disappeared in the crowd of Capitol Hill staffers and lobbyists. Despite spending so much time together, our love lives were not nearly as in sync as our menstrual cycles. Suzanne ended one long term relationship, joined Match and only went out with two other guys before meeting Luke. My only long term relationship was Paul and most of it took place under the influence of alcohol.
     
    When Suzanne returned with our drinks, she sat down and said, “First of all, I hate this song—sets women back decades. Second of all, and more importantly, what information do you have to share with me?”
     
    Laughing, I said, “First of all, I’m