Free Capcir Spring by Jean de Beurre Page B

had a calming effect and brought him to his senses. But there was no such reaction.
     
    "I've never felt better in my life. I feel on top of the world. I've got rid of that shell that I had to live in and can be myself at last. And I want you to have that freedom too. Get out of that shell of hatred and worship me. For I am the one who brings salvation to you my girl. I come as the one to bring the truth and the truth will set you free."
     
    "Most of all though I despise you. If you do not believe in me it will be better for you if you had never been born. For the devil and all his angels has a place prepared for you in the everlasting pit."
     
    Mary turned away quickly and made for the door. She had heard about as much as she could take. The doctor at her side led her out and they walked away in silence. James' screams and abuse continued behind them from behind the white padded door. She turned to the doctor and asked through her tears,
     
    "Would I be a fool to hope that he will go back to as he was before? That this will all be forgotten? That he will make a full recovery and I can, without a care in the world, return to share his life and bed? Would I be a bloody fool to think like that?"
     
    After a significant pause he replied, "We always have to hope and often when we can get the balance of medication just right we can achieve a lot. But and this is the big but, if we can normalise him, he will have to remain on those drugs probably for the rest of his life. If he misses a dose one day then he may be right back here again. Though we do finally wean some people off all medical support, with cases of such severity it is difficult to say what will happen. The illness came on very suddenly by all accounts it could possibly leave suddenly too. All things are possible but the odds are not stacked in favour of the complete cure that you obviously hope for."
     
    Mary left the hospital feeling numb. She still had a husband in the flesh, in the same body but in the mind and in the spirit she had just been in the presence of a stranger. The familiar features, once so dear were now inhabited by a stranger. And it was a stranger she did not care for. James was no longer James and if he ever returned to be the James she knew before would she ever be able to trust or believe him, again?
     
    Mary had tried four more times to see James and each time the reaction had been worse. In the end the doctor asked her not to visit, as it was both distressing for her and it took them a week to calm James down afterwards. She took legal advice and was granted a divorce. It was not an easy decision as part of her felt she did not want to give up on him. She had clung onto the remote chance that he might get better but eventually saw it as highly improbable. On the other hand she was certain from her first visit that she could never trust him again. Indeed trust of any man was something that she still working on.
     
    Time had passed but these events were like yesterday in the long sleepless hours of the night. And as so often had happened the memories flew back and forward through her mind and she relived them time and again, not knowing if she were asleep or awake. But she must have slept a little for she was conscious of actually waking at the sound of traffic in the morning.
     
    *****
     
    Mary was not the only one finding it difficult to sleep that night. John lay awake on his bed looking at the rough pine boarding on the sloping ceiling and thinking about the legend of the man and the two women he loved. Poor man. Was he happy. Did he enjoy the seduction or the experience of being seduced. Did he plan it or did it just creep up on him? Was it the case that one moment he was with her in a perfectly innocent encounter and the next they were lovers? Did he enjoy it while it lasted or was even the momentary enjoyment he experienced tinged and spoiled by a brooding and ever present sense of guilt.
     
    Katherine kept coming to mind.