Free Tough Love by Marcie Bridges Page B

were side by side. “In all seriousness, I’m glad that you were able to come today. I love showing you off.” It had been a long time since I’d felt the warmth of a blush run through my cheeks. “Do you know how much I love you?”
    Of all the questions that he could have asked me… what was I supposed to do now? I could have lied and acted like I didn’t know what was going on. Then again, I could – oh, who was I kidding? Either way I went about it, a lie was going to be involved. I knew he loved me but I still couldn’t bring myself to tell him the honest truth about the way I felt.
    “Yes, Micah, I know, and I love you too. You’ve been so good to me since we started dating. I wasn’t sure that I would be okay, but you’ve made me believe in myself again. It’s been hard for me to come up with a way to thank you, but I think I’ve figured it out.”
    Giving our relationship my all meant giving him all of me, I decided in that moment. Not that I didn’t understand what having sex outside marriage meant to my faith; I did. But after being with Brendan, even though we hadn’t slept together, I felt like I had already fallen from grace. If having sex with Micah was a sin, at least I was committing it for a good reason.
    I rolled over on to my side and began to kiss him. It was only a matter of seconds before Micah was kissing me back. The excitement between us grew, and I was glad that his bedroom door was shut.
    “Micah,” I whispered, “I want you to be my first. It’s how I want to thank you.”
    With difficulty, he forced himself to stop kissing my neck to ask, “Are you sure?”
    Rather than respond with words, I let my fingers to do the talking. I unbuttoned his shirt while his lips returned to mine with fervor, and we allowed the passion to take over.
    Suddenly I didn’t have any more questions. There was just the two of us. There was just me, giving a priceless gift to the man who loved me above all others.
    As Micah and I lay unclothed on his bed in each other’s arms later, I tried to reconcile the thoughts that had led to my decision. It wasn’t that I regretted it--I didn’t in the least--but I also thought about my true motives. I told myself that I was doing it for Micah, to give him something that I had never given to Brendan.
    Was that really it, though? Was that the true reason? What if I had made that choice to spite Brendan? To make him jealous somehow? I knew I would never see him again, but having sex with someone else helped me feel like I had something to hold over his head. Something that might make him think twice about leaving me in the first place.
    I heard Micah’s breathing slow and then turn to light snores next to me. I smiled to myself, realizing how content he must be at that moment. His motives were true and honorable, both attributes I was sure Brendan had never possessed. So what was it I kept searching for? I could think of no way to justify my relationship, or my feelings, when it came to Brendan. Yet I missed him and still loved him.
    Once I was sure that Micah was sound asleep, I slipped out from under him and got dressed. The house was quiet (a sign his mom and brother had gone out), and I didn’t want to wake Micah by turning on the television, so after writing him a short note, I went for a walk.
    I thought about how everyone always told me, “Sex changes things.” When you know that things are about to change anyway, what does it matter? I had given myself to Micah as a gift and did not expect anything in return; besides, I figured he had nothing else to give.
    When I got back to his house, Micah was awake and having some leftover cake. I sat down across from him at the kitchen table and leaned across for a kiss.
    “Did you have a nice walk?” he asked, feeding me a bite.
    “Yes, I did. It’s such a beautiful day, and you were so peaceful. I just couldn’t bring myself to wake you.”
    “Guess the party took more out of me than I thought. Well,