Free Unconventional (The Manhattanites #4) by Avery Aster

about.
    “Can you take us to your most private area of the labyrinth,” I replied. “We’d like to be alone. No onlookers.”
    “Now we’re talking!” Rocco cheered. “We’d also like some vanilla candles.”
    “Whatever for?” Jemma asked.
    “The smell of vanilla bean will help with your apathy,” he replied.
    The pixie laughed. So did I.
     

 

    Apologies from Rehab
    Jemma
    Moments later
    Floor Four, Circus Bazaar
    Finding a bathroom located near the area my boyfriends had selected for us to have sex, I locked myself into the handicap stall. They always have more leg room. Yup. I needed to pee. More importantly, I wanted to be alone with my thoughts. On the dance floor, the music had been so loud I could barely hear myself think.
    My brain was racing, sprinting actually, trying to figure out why I was having such reservations about our sexual safari. Before my cancer, I would’ve been all over this. Taddy Brill and her Manhattanites are rather genius. This excursion is brilliant, but I still have my doubts.
    Was it because Luigi and Rocco were calling all the shots? After all, I’d given up control, and I hadn’t done that in ages.
    Hmm…no. Not really. Come to think of it, I kind of liked that they were taking such an initiative. It gave me a sense of peace.
    Is it the kink factor?
    Nope. I’ll try anything once. Well, except for American pizza. That’s just totally wrong.
    Squatting over the toilet, staring at my legs, I realized that when I’d gotten up that morning, I should’ve shaved them. Who knew I’d be abducted. I don’t feel sexy enough to be here doing this though.
    Maybe that was why Berlin was putting me so on edge. I’d been to Germany for various work assignments back in the day, like when I’d modeled for Escada. Those were much easier moments in my life. Once, I had fire in my spirit, courage. I was a woman who believed in myself as if my spine was made of titanium steel. On the inside, I used to be so strong. Nothing could take me down.
    I stood and opened the door, making my way to the acrylic sink. I glanced at myself in the oversized mirror.
    Dressed in a bra which cut into my skin in all the wrong places. Panties which rode my bum, somehow getting lost inside my crack, and a wristband on my left arm stamped 18+.
    That’s me. Eighteen plus infinity.
    The year I became an adult had been magical. I’d moved out of my parents’ house, attended college with Prince Massimo, and started modeling. Heavens, I was fearless. That was a lifetime ago.
    I’d noticed as I’d gotten older that some women’s confidence levels increased. Take my friend Lex Easton, for example. She’s pretty fabulous! But when I met her, she wasn’t so self-assured. The love of a good man, her fashion empire success, and birth of her babies had given her the will to move past her family’s demise.
    And then there’s me. I’d give anything to be that eighteen-year-old girl again who wasn’t afraid of the world. How did this happen?
    Oh. Right. Cancer. That was how. It took way more of me than just a piece of my body. It took my hypothetical steel spine, too.
    Dear Universe,
    If you’re listening…I want that back. You owe it to me, per favore and while we’re at it, grazie for watching over my boyfriends. I may not show it to them often, but I’m grateful to have them in my life. I wouldn’t be standing here today if it wasn’t for them.
    When their time comes, you’d better make sure you have their back, because they’ve certainly had mine.
    Can you believe they were faithful this entire time? Don’t men have urges? Don’t they stray? Wait. I guess in a poly relationship it’s a bit different, but still. I gave them permission. I told them to go off and have fun with other women, and they didn’t.
    Perhaps I’ve focused too much on what I’ve lost in all of this and not realized what I’ve gained.
    Luigi, Rocco, and my faith in love.
    Ciao for now.
    I glanced up at the poster on the