Free Daring to Dream by Sam Bailey

because sometimes famous people would come round to film the show and Julie and I would always sneak downstairs and try to catch a glimpse of them. I answered their house phone once and it was Dale Winton; I was so bloody excited!
    My dream was still to sing, so I started going to auditions at places like Pineapple Dance Studios in Covent Garden or Danceworks, which was just off Oxford Street. They were always holding auditions for something or other and I used to go along for fun, clutching my trusty CD of backing tracks. Sometimes I didn’t even know what I was auditioning for –it could have been a pole-dancing club in Timbuktu – but I’d go to get experience and get used to being knocked back. I wanted to become strong and resilient and learn not to let the disappointments get me down. That way, I figured, when something I really
did
want came up I could go along and not be afraid of being told ‘no’. I know it sounds mad but for some reason the knockbacks gave me more confidence and I wanted to be able to walk into a room and give off the impression that I felt like I deserved to be there.
    I went for an audition for a Disney Cruise Liner once and there were all of these people there who looked like Pocahontas with long dark hair, or Prince Charming with a big blonde flick. I arrived in jeans and hoodie and as I got nearer to the front I panicked because I didn’t look like
anyone
from a Disney movie. Princess Chav, maybe? My group got called in and I thought about edging my way out and doing a runner, but it was so busy there was no way I could go anywhere
but
the audition room. They must have wondered what the hell I was doing there. I looked like someone’s weird sister who had come along for a laugh. Funnily enough I didn’t get offered the role of Princess Jasmine.
    One day Julie told she was going for an audition to be an entertainer on a Thompson cruise ship, and asked me if I’d go with her. I had trials for a woman’s football team at the Arsenal training ground on the same day, so I was really torn. I still loved football and I’d never stopped playing,but I didn’t enjoy it
quite
as much as I enjoyed singing. I thought about it long and hard and decided that I could go and try out for the football team anytime, but the cruise ship sounded like a great opportunity. Also because I wasn’t
desperate
for the job, I knew I wasn’t going to be a shaking mess and I’d probably end up having quite a laugh.
    The auditions were being held at Danceworks and when Julie and I arrived there were hundreds of people waiting to be seen. We were all waiting in the restaurant area and we could hear everyone else auditioning. I started talking to some of the other hopefuls and because we were waiting around for so long I went into full on Bluecoat mode and started telling jokes and doing Frank Spencer impressions. I was pretty cocky and I was making everyone laugh by basically being a bit of a show-off.
    When my name was called I suddenly found myself feeling quite nervous. Maybe I did really want the job after all? I sang a Mariah Carey song – although for the life of me I can’t remember which one – and afterwards I went back to the restaurant where we all waited to hear if we’d got through to the next stage or not. I was so happy when my name was called, but also slightly terrified because we were expected to dance in the second round, and following routines really wasn’t my strong point. I can put my leg behind my head, which I’m quite proud of, but I’m not sure that’s a good skill to have on a posh cruise ship!
    I wasn’t the world’s
worst
dancer back then, but I had noprofessional experience (unless you call dancing around in an ostrich suit professional experience?). There were girls there in leotards and legwarmers doing the splits to warm up, and I was wearing one of my football tracksuits and trainers looking like I was planning on running a marathon.
    I went into the audition room