leave. So I found a horse to suit me, and must ride its whistling bones up and down the land until I find a man whose wife is a bigger bitch than mine. Then we two must fight a fight that is very pure, being only for rage and amusement and honor, you know, because it will be Winner Take Nothing. Are you the one, lad? Is your wife as fair and foul as mine?”
“I am a bachelor, sir.”
“Then curse you! Ride on!”
“I am walking, as you see.”
“Don’t be wasting my time, bachelor. Walk on—before I smite you from sheer spite.”
Some miles farther on, as they were climbing a low hill they saw a huge snowball rolling down the slope toward them, growing as it came. They gave it room to pass, but were amazed to see it pause on the slope, something very difficult for a snowball to do. A voice sounded:
“A question, young traveler.”
“Ask away,” said Finn. “I’ve never held converse with a snowball before, but I see nothing against it.”
“You are a sweet cautious lad. But I’m getting quite chilled despite the warmth of my temperament. Won’t you dig me out?”
Finn drew his sword and hacked away the snow.
“Gently now. I cut easily.”
He plied his sword with care, scraping away the snow, until he came to the core of the matter. It was a woman, so fat that she rolled instead of walked, and, upon such a day, had gathered snow. She was red-faced and red-haired with a gurgling laugh.
“Thank you, young sir. Have you seen a man on a horse which is the very match of him, both being but skin and bone?”
“Nothing but bone, madame. I saw no skin.”
“Ah, poor fellow, he does not prosper without my care. Which way did he go?”
“He wasn’t going. He was staying. Waiting until another husband might pass whom he would challenge to prove who was Champion of Misfortune.”
“He said harsh things about me, no doubt?”
“He did that. But I know there are two sides to every quarrel.”
“Two? There are ten! Twenty perhaps. In fact, a real quarrel between husband and wife has no sides at all; it’s perfectly round, just like me. Tell me, what is your own preference? Do you care only for those meager little sparrow-girls, or might you fancy perhaps a woman of substance?”
“I have had slight experience of women, fat or thin. I grew up with a girl named Murtha whom I simply cannot describe. I don’t know what I like.”
“Then roll along with me, lad. We’ll gather snow enough to hide us from prying eyes, and I shall teach you what to like.”
“Dear lady,” said Finn. “I am enchanted by every degree of your luscious rotundity. Lucky the man who can play radius to your circumference. Unfortunately, I am on a mission and may not tarry.”
“Pity,” said the lady. “Then I must go looking for my husband, I suppose.”
“Just follow the road, and you will find him.”
Now upon this winter so weirdly cold that the sea froze, fur-hatted men swarmed down from the Land of the Long Night, swooping across the ice on narrow sleds that bore mast and sail, and out-raced the north wind. Seagulls spotted these invaders while they were still far north of Eire, and screamed the news from flock to flock. The falcon heard the tale as it was striking a heron, and flew back to tell the cat.
“That is a large bird you bring, brother,” said the tom. “Is it tough as it looks?”
“It is meat, brother, and hard to find these frosty days. Have you killed?”
“Only a limping hare. Everything one can eat seems to be hiding in its hole waiting for the thaw. There will be much hunger this winter.”
“Worse than famine is abroad,” said the falcon. “The Seal-clad Ones of the Place Beyond the Mist are coming over the frozen seas. In sheeted sleds they come, and the smell of blood comes with them. Yea, I smell battle, brother, and much slaughter. Let us welcome it. We hawks deem it shameful to eat what we do not kill, but it is sometimes necessary. I do not relish man-flesh, except for their